


Above You - Text AU

by riseofskyloren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dating, F/M, Fingering, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Just sex in general, Love, Online book, Rose is a menace, Sex, Twitter Fiction, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), ben is in love, book nerds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:06:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23452954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riseofskyloren/pseuds/riseofskyloren
Summary: It was you Rey. You're my muse.Rey Johnson is obsessed with the dark romance "Above You" written by the mysterious Kylo Ren online. Somehow Darby, a character from Above You, starts to look a lot like Rey ever since she met Ben Solo.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This are the written chapters of the text au I post on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434)  
> Obviously, you'll understand the chapter only if you read the entire story but here are some "important passages" such as dates, sex, party night... Just things that you can't write on text! And if you don't read the thread, well see this as OS :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part 18,19 and 20 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread :)

Rey was already in class, front row, reading pride and prejudice while the class was getting crowder. It was her favorite class. Books had always been a big part of her life and now that she was finally able to study the thing that she loved the most, she wouldn’t change a thing. Absorbed by her book, she barely noticed the chair on her right moving and the student sitting.

“Hey.”

She closed her book and turned her head to see Ben, sitting next to her. She smiled at him and answered with a little “hi”. He looked good. She hadn’t paid much attention last night, focused on not embarrassing herself twice in a row but now that he was sitting next to her it was all she could focused about. Before they had the time to actually start a real conversation other than small-talk, professor Holdo arrived and the class went silence.

“Good afternoon. Before we start, I’d like to remind you all that you need to find a partner for the writing project I submitted to you last week. It will count for your final grade and you have until tonight to send me an email with the members of the group and the book you’ve chosen.” She marked a quick pause to make sure everybody was still following. “You are allowed to choose the book you want as long as you’ve both read it. You’re pretty much free to do whatever you like but I want an adaptation. The end of the book you’re rewriting obviously cannot be the same as the original but you are more than encouraged to change places, decade, and everything you want. But make it make sense.” She paused another time. “Any questions? Fine, then we’ll move on to our analysis of Les Misérables”. The class passed surprisingly fast. Ben had spent the entire hour answering the questions Holdo had been asking. He was smart, really smart. He questioned everything, put perspective on every single details and seemed genuinely passionate about literature. Rey listened carefully to everything he had to say and it helped her find a little retrospective of her own analysis of the book. When the class finished, the both of them headed to the library gently arguing about the class they just had.

“I can’t believe you’d never read this masterpiece before” Ben teased gently as they chose a free table nearby the literature section.

Rey rolled her eyes and sat in front of him. The library was rather calm and the number of students could be counted on their fingers. She grabbed her laptop and opened a word document. She looked at him.

“Any idea for the book?”

“I think we should go bold” He answered, a hand pulling back his hair. Rey followed the entire movement of his hand, mesmerized. His dark hair was a huge contrast on his pale skin but damn, it surely was working for him. “Rey?”

“Sorry. Yes, go bold or go home. I like that.”

After 30 long minutes of “No Romeo and Juliet isn’t a bold choice” and “I’m not sure Holdo will consider 50 shades of grey as a classic novel” they settled on L’Etranger by Camus, a french novel they both had read on their free time. They sent professor Holdo the email and spent the two next hours discussing different kind of approach for the alternate ending. They discussed their point of views, which obviously weren’t the same. Ben was claiming that Meursault was an heartless racist man who should have been judged for killing the man while Rey was sure that Meursault was a man who had nothing to live for until he found religion.

“You know what? Let’s meet in the middle and rewrite Meursault as a man who cared about religion before the murder and focus on the trial” Proposed Rey after a long silence.

“Works for me” He simply said with a nod of the head.

When they left the library, it was getting darker outside already. The air was getting colder and Rey should definitely have brought a jacket. She shivered and crossed her arms in an attempt of warming herself a little bit. Ben noticed it.

“Where do you live?” He asked, not sure if it was inappropriate.

“20 minutes from here, I live off campus”

“Do you want a ride home?” He offered. “My car is in the parking lot but it sure will be quicker than taking the subway.”

“That would be nice. Thanks.” She smiled at him and followed him to his car. He had a nice car. A car she surely couldn’t afford. He turned on the heating and Rey was grateful for that. She told him her address and they left the almost empty parking lot.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 27, 28, 29 and 30 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

When Rey arrived at the 1988, everybody was already there, talking and laughing as if they had been friends for the last couple of years. She joined the group and greeted everyone with a “hello” and a bright smile. Ben was the first one to look at her, blushing a little when he realized that she was wearing a transparent shirt with a cute bralette underneath. She may or may not have wore it on purpose but to be fair, she had wore this more than once so it didn’t really count. He stood up and bring a chair for her. She sat and put her bag on the floor.

“Sorry i’m late” She said at Rose who stopped talking to the ginger head on her left when she arrived.

“You’re always late Rey.” Rose laughed a little and grabbed her wallet. “Next round is on me, everyone wants the same?”

Everyone nodded and the ginger head stood up to follow her. They left the table, chatting as if no one was even here in the first place. Finn was completely flirting with the other guy at the table which left only Ben.

“Is it me or everyone is flirting here?” She whispered at Ben with a little smirk.

“You have no idea. Rose and Hux started talking as soon as we arrived and Finn kinda hit up on Poe as soon as we sat. I’m third wheeling here.” Rey could tell by the son of his voice that he was bittersweet about this.

“Well i’m here now, you’ll be fine.”

“Thanks God because I’ve already third wheeling last night and I’m good for an entire month of this” He took a sip of his beer and looked at her with a smile.

“Weren’t you only with the guys last night?” She asked. He gave her a long look without answering. Oh. “Ok nevermind that was stupid, sorry.”

“It’s ok. It’s complicated anyways.”

She blushed, a little bit embarrassed. Her best friend was gay and she couldn’t figure this out? She was dumb. She cleared her throat.

“Anyway, did you manage to finish the stuff you had to do after class?”

“Hm, yes, actually.”

For the first time of the night, Hux and Poe shared a big laugh at Ben’s answer.

“The thing no one but you is allowed to know” Started Poe with a smirk.

“The big Solo secret that had ruined pretty much of all our night” Continued Hux. “I hope you’re at least becoming a secret billionaire”

“While he locks himself in his bedroom for hours? I highly doubt so.” Poe looked at Ben and added. “I still believe that his secret thing is just a pretext to jerk off for hours while watching weird porno vid-“

“Shut up. Both of you. Now.” Ben sounded mad but at the same time embarrassed. Whatever the secret was, he surely didn’t wanted people to discover it. And now, Rey wanted more than ever to discover it. Ben was all tense now and everybody was drinking their beer, quietly. Finn cleared his throat and Rey could swore he was about to say something incredibly dumb.

“I’m sure he’s secret is less embarrassing that their secrets” He said, pointing at Rey and Rose who shared a confused look.

“What secrets?” Asked Rose with a high-pitched voice.

“That’s After you thing you’ve been reading and obsessed about for months?”

As the two fangirls they were, Rose and Rey shouted at the same time “It’s Above You.”

Finn rolled his eyes. “Nevermind, you two are way too obsessed about this.”

“What’s Above you?” Asked Hux, confused about the discussion that was going on.

“It’s an online book about two lovers and it’s amazing.” Rey emphasizes the amazing, she could go on for hours about the story of Darby and Toby but right now surely wasn’t the time.

“And she has this weird crush on the author, Kylo Ren, even though no one knows who he is.” Added Rose with a wink that made Rey sigh.

“I do not have a crush on him, I’m just saying he’s talented as fuck and it’s not a crime.”

“Sure things love, what helps you better to sleep at night” Rey felt Ben tensed next to her and she looked at him.

“Are you alright?”

Ben nodded but she could tell he was acting weird. Something was off : he wasn’t smiling anymore and he was sending wrong vibes as if he was embarrassed but yet kind of excited at the same time? She smiled at him, a little smile that meant you can talk to me.

It took a few minutes for the conversation to slowly go on again. Ben and Rey made some small talk for the rest of the night until it was late and everyone decided to head home. The little group headed out of the bar and everyone was about to go their separate way until Rey realised that she and Ben probably should see each other again before literature class.

“Should we meet again soon for the project?”

“Sure. Give me your phone number and we’ll plan this later.” Ben gave his phone to Rey who created a new contact and entered her information.

“Text me when you got home so I’ll have your number.”

“No problem.”

They gave each other a little goodbye hug and the two separated again, the three boys heading to Ben’s car while the holy trinity walked to the station.

“So” Started Finn. “This definitely was a triple date.”


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 42, 43 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Fuck. Ben was looking at the screen of his laptop, wondering what was the next smart move. On one hand, he could always switch british to american when he’ll post the chapter tonight. On the other hand, his fan had already seen the tweet he just made and they might get confused. Why on earth would he wrote that? What was wrong with him? Darby wasn’t Rey. It had -in a matter of fact- nothing to do with Rey.

When he started Above You few months ago, he never thought that it would go this viral. He didn’t consider himself a big writer or anything but it sure felt nice to know that people actually cared about Darby and Toby. None of his friends knew about this, it was his secret. He wasn’t ashamed or anything, he just wasn’t sure that they would understand. Maybe after the entire book was written he’d tell them eventually but for now on, it wasn’t an option.

And now there was Rey. Rey who was an actual reader of his work and he didn’t know how to process that. He never even realized that she answered to most of his tweets, used the hashtag he created for the book at every new chapter and fuck, if he had paid a little more attention maybe he wouldn’t be in this situation. He looked at the chapter he had finished a few minutes ago and now that he was thinking about it, the Darby described throughout the entire chapter looks a lot like his new friend. Friend she said, he was her friend and the thought of it bothered him more than it should. What was wrong about Rey being is friend after all ? Rey was a ray of sunshine, she could lighten an entire room with her smile and her laugh. He just couldn’t get enough of her laugh. She was beautiful -stunning even- and she wasn’t even trying which was very confusing. And finally there was this thing, the thing which makes his heart beat faster for no reasons, she was passionate.

The first time he realized it was when they talked about Pride and Prejudice after their class : she just kept on talking about this book as she was living it, as if the book was a part of herself. He could have listened for hours but he had a chapter to post and he was already late. She reminded him of Darby, a lot. Rey and Darby had a lot in common and it was confusing for him. Darby had been a part of his life for months now and even though she wasn’t technically real, he cared about her in a way he couldn’t quite understand. Rey was real, his friend, and he was blowing it by comparing her to his fictional character. By adding her features to the story she’s reading and if she’d find out maybe she’d take it the wrong way. Who wouldn’t?

Ben was panicking a little now. Who was he kidding? Of course he liked her. He liked her a lot. But there wasn't anything he could do about it because she obviously didn’t feel the same way. She wanted to be friend and honestly, it was better than nothing so he’d be friend and it would be ok. He would not overthink the way she dressed when they’d to met at the library for their project, he would not overthink the way she blushed when he smiled at her. Friends, they could be friends.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

When Ben parked his car in front of Rey’s building, he was nervous. The idea of spending the night there made him confused and it was pissing him off because she was his friend. He locked his car and took his bag that he pulled on his shoulder. He carefully crossed the road and rang at the buzzer. The door opened almost immediately, allowing him to take a step in the building. He climbed the stairs until he reached the fourth floor and knocked at the apartment 12B.

Rey opened the door and gave him a radiant smile.

“Hi, come on in” She said before stepping out of his way. He entered and closed the door behind him. He took a look at the place. It was neat and tastefully decorated. The walls were white but the furniture were pretty much either black or yellow. There was flower everywhere, sunflowers mostly.

“Your place looks great.”

“Thank you. Rose and I spent a lot of times making this our home.” She smiled at him and sat on the couch. “Come on, make yourself comfortable.”

He executed as he’s told. He put down his bag and sat on the couch, closer to her than ever. It felt right and he smiled at her. They started talking about everything and nothing. Rey learned that Ben’s real name was Benjamin which made sense now, and Ben learned that Rey liked Galaxy Wars which was fortunate since he was a huge fan. They both criticized the last movie, agreeing that the eighth one was way better and they made plans to watch it someday.“Another glass?” Asked Rey after she stopped laughing on a joke Ben had just made.

“I’d love to” He answered with a smile, giving her his glass that she filled with wine.

The night was still young after all. They had eat pizza, drank wine and even managed to finish their assignment which they should definitely double check tomorrow when they wouldn’t have any alcohol in their blood.

“Do you like ice cream?” Rey asked with a smile as she took a sip on her glass.

“Sure.”

She stood up and went to the little kitchen. She came back with a bucket of vanilla ice cream and two spoons. She gave him one and sat back, their legs definitely touching now. Her phone was buzzing on the little table by the couch and she extended her arm to reach it. She looked at the screen and laughed a little while reading her texts.

“Everything ok?” Asked Ben, putting his spoon in the ice cream before it reached his mouth.

“Yes. Rose is just giving me updates.” She typed something on her phone before putting it down again.

“I hope Hux is treating her right, I’d hate to kick his ass.”

“They just watched a movie and now she’d locked herself in the bathroom.” Rey licked the ice cream on her spoon with a smile.

Ben raised an eyebrow, confused.“Why would she locked herself in the bathroom?”

Rey finished her spoon before answering.

“Because the new chapter of Above You was posted earlier and she couldn’t help herself”.

Ben tensed a little. Of course she had read the chapter, he had even answered her tweet about it.

“Oh.” He said. “What is it about ?”

He saw Rey’s eyes widened. She explained everything to him, even quoting his actual work. She truly was passionate about Toby and Darby and he listened to her, trying his best to hide the fact that he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“You should read it!” She exclaimed after she concluded on the chapter that he had just released few hours ago. He couldn’t help noticing that she hadn’t mentioned the sex passages once.

“Why not, you promoted it quite good after all.”

She clapped her hands, truly excited by the idea and took his laptop that was still on the table. She opened it and looked away while he tapped his password.

“Have you got twitter?” She asked while opening safari.

Shit. She really wanted him to read it right now, with her. “Hm, yes, yes I have.” She started typing twitter and that’s when he realized that his laptop was indeed connected on a twitter account. Kylo Ren’s one. “Rey! Wait! I gotta do something first.” He took the laptop out of her lap and placed it in a way that she couldn’t see the screen. He logged off the current account and logged in his personal one before putting back the laptop where it was few seconds ago.

“I wasn’t about to look on your history” She said with a smirk. He blushed but said nothing.

He watched her follow the account and clicked on the link that opened a new tab. He was really proud of his website. He had spent hours making it functional.

“There it is. Now you have zero reasons not to read this masterpiece.”

He smiled at her and took back his laptop that he closed carefully.

“I will definitely give it a shot this weekend”

She took another spoon of the ice cream that started melting between them and a little slipped on her chin. He looked at the ice cream running on your neck now and wondered how it would feel to lick it. Rey blushed a little.

“I’m 21 and I cannot eat, it’s embarrassing.” She took her napkin and cleaned the little ice cream drop. Ben followed the entire movement with his eyes. Maybe it was the wine talking but damn, she looked hot.

“Am I making you nervous Rey?” He was teasing her. He couldn’t help himself. He could swear her eyes darkened. But once again, maybe it was just the wine. She opened her mouth to answer but she closed it almost immediately. He thought he had embarrassed her and he was about to apologize and tell her that it was a dumb thing to say. But before he could even say something he felt something cold on his cheek.

“You did not…” He started as he looked at Rey who was proudly smiling, the spoon in her hand. He felt the ice cream rolling down on his neck. “You’re so dead Johnson.”

He quickly grabbed the ice cream out of her hand and put his spoon in it. Rey jumped on her feet and started to put some distance between them.

“Don’t you dare” She said as Ben slowly stood up, the spoon in his hand and a playful look on his face. The ice cream was still following his course on his neck and under his black shirt. Ben felt the cold liquid on right nipple and his eyes darkened with desire.

He took a step in the direction of Rey and she started laughing. Before he could entirely register was going on, she started running around the apartment, trying her best to create the biggest distance between them. Ben followed her, like a predator with his prey. Rey hit her back on almost every wall of the apartment, laughing so hard he thought she might actually pass out. The couch was now standing between them and Ben lost his advantage when Rey grabbed the ice cream.

“If you do this I’ll have to give you a face mask with this” She shoved two finger in the ice cream and looked at Ben. Why was it so hot?

He took a step forward, his leg hitting the couch.“You know Rey, threatening someone that his twice your size and weight isn’t really smart.”

Rey shivered a little and it was Ben’s chance. Before Rey could understand what was happening, Ben grabbed her arm and pulled her closed to the couch. She made a noise between a yell and a laugh. Ben hold her still with his arm and he started running the spoon on his cheek, leaving a path of melting ice cream.

“Ben! Stop” She was laughing so hard and gesticulating. He continued to leave melted ice cream everywhere on her face. She was covered in vanilla from her neck to her mouth to her cheeks. When the spoon was empty, he looked at her.

“That’s one nice face mask indeed.” He was being a smart ass and Rey hit him gently on the arm.

“I’m so sticky now” She complained and she brought the fingers she had shoved in ice cream to his jaw, using him as a napkin. He stopped her movement and brought her fingers to his mouth. Her mouth parted but she didn’t tried to take her hand away. Ben smirked and put her two fingers in his mouth, slowly cleaning those with his tongue. When he was done, he let go of her fingers.

“Better now?” He asked with a little cocky smile.

Rey had red cheeks and she looked at Ben as if he wasn’t real. Shit, he had broke her.

“Well done, one percent of my body is now isn’t sticky”

He took a step forward.“I’d be more than happy to help you get clean.” He could see the effect of his teasing on her body and it felt good to know that his friend wasn’t insensitive to his charms. “In fact, I will help you.”

Rey looked at him. Was he insinuating what she thought he was ?

“Wh-” She started before she felt her body being easily lifted up in the air by Ben. She started protesting as Ben took big steps to reach the little bathroom. From here, Rey could see the playful smile on his lips and it was too late to escape when she realized what he meant by helping her clean up. “Benjamin!” She shouted when cold water started running on her body.

The shower was small and Ben managed to put only Rey under the jet of water which was now hotter than when he turned it on few seconds ago. She laughed and tried to escape from his arms and they were both laughing like children.

“It’s unfair I’m the only one wet now.”

“You’re also the only one who was sticky.”

She kicked him gently and he let go of her with a smile, putting her back on the wet ground of the shower. He looked at her with his percent eyes and she felt her heart missed a beat. He pulled back a string of her hair behind her ear and she pulled him closer to her, under the water.

None of them talked. They just stared at each other, getting wetter by the second. Ben saw a little remain of ice cream on her cheek and he erased it with his thumb.“Thank you” She whispered. “You know, this looks a lot like what happened between Toby and Darby in Above You.”

Ben smiled, for the first time in the night it didn’t bother him at all that she mentioned his story. Because even if he couldn’t tell her, he knew exactly what happened in it.

“Really?” He asked as his forehead met hers. “What happened next?”

Rey swallowed. Hard. She was living a chapter of her favorite romance fiction with Ben and it felt overwhelming, but in a good way. She wasn’t the kind of person to make out with the first guy she met few weeks ago. Neither she was the type of girl to make out with her friends. But it was different. It felt different. They were so close now that she could feel his breath on her skin. He smelled like vanilla. Just like Darby when Toby get closer to her.

She looked at his lips. They were parted a little, so inviting. It was her move now. Ben was a gentleman, he wouldn’t try anything unless she tells him to.

“Fuck it” she muttered before tiptoeing to find his lips. They kissed and it felt like Rey could breathe again. Ben’s lips felt good on hers and she leaned a to get closer to him, moving her hands behind his neck to support herself a little bit. The water was still running on their head and Ben managed to turn it off without breaking the kiss. He lifted Rey, once again, and she closed her legs behind his back to be more comfortable. Ben’s back met the wall and she felt his tongue caressing her lower lips. Without an ounce of hesitation, she opened her mouth a little wider and his tongue went to meet hers, teasing. A little moan escaped from her lips and Ben started to kiss her neck. Rey closed her eyes. It wasn’t the first time a boy had kissed her neck but none of them were half-skilled as Benjamin Solo. She moved her hands to his hair, pulling softly as he licked her neck.

“You taste like vanilla.” She smiled, of course she did.

Ben’s hand were all over her as he sucked the skin of her neck roughly enough to let a mark. It’s my first hickey Rey thought. Ben kept touching every part of skin he could reach until he decided it wasn’t working. He stepped out of the shower, making sure Rey was still firmly still in his arms and headed to the first bedroom he found on his way.

“Wrong one…” Rey muttered, lips on his neck.

He cursed between his teeth before finally reaching her bedroom and dropping her carefully on the bed. The sheets turned darker when Rey soaked body met it and before she could even complain about it, Ben was on top of her, kissing her with fierce. His hands found their way under her shirt and he let his fingers slowly moving on her belly.

“I'm not wearing a bra.” She said against his lips. Why on earth did she decided to not wear a cute bra today? Probably because it didn’t occurred to her that she would be in this exact situation few hours laters. Not that she was complaining about it. He broke their kiss to look at her, asking for permission with his eyes. She nodded, fairly aware that she hadn’t gotten this far before and that as much as she wanted it, she would definitely do something that screams virgin or just basically suck at this. Well, Metaphorically at least.

Her train of thought was interrupted when she felt a large hand cupping her right breast. A soft moan escaped from her lips.

“Is this nice?” He asked softly, playing with her nipple between his fingers. He could tell she wasn’t use to this but he figured it would be kind of rude to ask. So he just kept playing with her breast, gently, trying to make it a good moment for her.

But boy, she wanted more. She needed more. Rey could feel herself dripping of desire for him and all of this teasing was driving her insane. In a moment of boldness, she reached for his shirt and tried to tug it above his head. Ben took the hint and quickly, his shirt was on the floor. Rey look at his body, her hands wandering on his skin. She leaned to kiss his torax, near to his nipple and he shivered a little.

“You’re a little overdressed Rey.”

She smiled at him, trustful, and raised her arms in the air to help him. Her shirt out of the way, Ben could see the little freckles on her shoulders. He wanted to turn her around so we could reach the ones that were probably on her back, kissing each one of them in a slow and agonizing torture. But he didn’t do such a thing and he settled for the ones on her shoulders, kissing each one slowly. He’s just like Toby was the first thing that reached Rey’s mind when Ben’s mouth closed around her breast, gently sucking on her nipple. A great tension was building in her lower belly and her breaths was becoming erratic.

“B-Ben..” She said, hands on his hair. “Wait.”

He let go of her nipple and sat on the bed, letting her breathe. He smiled at her, lips swollen.

“Are you alright?” He asked worried, stroking her hair. Rey was still lying on the bed, catching her breath.

“Yes.” She marked a short break, trying to figure out how to say this without freaking him out. “It’s just… I’ve never done anything like that before.”

Ben’s expression softened and he opened his arms. “Come here.” He said and Rey did as she was told, climbing on his legs. They were face to face, her legs wrapped around his thighs. One of his thumb went to her cheek, caressing it.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to love.”

Rey sighed and mumbled. “But I want to.”

Ben kissed her nose.

“What about this? You tell me what you want and I’ll do it. No questions asked”

Rey was relieved. Being in charge helped her clear her mind and she went in for another kiss. This time, she didn’t hesitate on rather she should add her tongue on not, she just went for it. Ben was gently biting her lower lips and as a result, she moved her thighs, putting herself closer to his lap. He moaned and Rey could feel herself getting even wetter. He was hard, so hard she was almost sure he was in pain right now.

“I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to.”

He kissed her insecurities away, reassuring her.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about that.”

She might have drank too much wine tonight. And the wine was making her extremely bold. She looked at him, and then at his lap. She kissed his neck one more time before whispering on his ear.

“Take off your pants.”

He blinked, not sure if he understood that quite correctly. Rey bit her lip and moved away, freeing him of her weight. When she realized, he hadn’t moved, she started to pull down her own pair of jeans, letting her in a black basic underwear. On a daily basis, she wouldn’t have feel sexy at all in something like this but Ben’s gaze on her almost naked body erased all of her insecurities once again.

“I think you’re the one a little overdressed now Benjamin.” And she didn’t needed to tell him twice. With rapid movements, he unbuckled his belt and tossed his jean out of the way. His black tight boxer letting zero space for imagination whatsoever, Rey swallowed before returning on their previous positions. She sat on his lap once again and his hands found her hips. Rey could feel everything through the thin protection of their underwears. She knew it was useless but knowing that between them stood a thin line of clothes was reassuring. She moved her hips, creating a tortuous friction on their sensitive parts. They both let a moan escape from their throats.

“Is that good?” She asked, slowly moving her hips back and forwards on his length.

His fingers were buried on her hips and bruises would be there tomorrow but she didn’t cared. “Yes.” he simply answered, eyes focused on her breasts.

She founded a rythmes and sticked to it. She couldn’t believe how good it felt to be desired by someone like Ben. He had been a gentleman all night, letting her choose what they would do and even now, he was trying his best to stay still and let her fuck herself against his penis.

“Fuck. Rey.” He breathed against her neck, biting when he felt her clit brushing against his aching head. It was a slow torture, but it was worth it.

Ben was trying hard not to scare her away with all the dirty talk that was a friction away to slip from his lips. Maybe saying that her wet cunt felt so good on him or that he would love to taste her for hours until she screams his name wasn’t a good idea. At least for now.

Rey increased her movements, driving him literally crazy. For the first time in forever he was about to ruin his underwear but fuck he wouldn’t have it any other way. Ben pressed Rey tighter against him, and he could tell by the way her legs were shaking that she was close. He groaned and started to move his hips, creating enough friction to bring them both above the edge in a devastating orgasm. When they both had found their breaths again, they just stared at each other for a while, silently. After a few minutes, Rey was the first one to break the peaceful silence.

“I think we need a shower” She just said and Ben could feel that she was embarrassed.

He took her chin in his hand gently to make her eyes meet his like a few seconds ago.

“Talk to me. How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? I think I’ve never been better.” She kissed his mouth before standing up and Ben groaned at the loss of her hot body on his. Both of their underwears were ruined with all kind of body fluids and they were once again sticky.

Rey told Ben to take his shower while she was changing the ruined sheets into new ones and the feeling of dry underwears and clean teeth made him sigh. He sat on Rey’s bed as she was taking her own shower and when she came back in the room she wasn’t wearing anything but a new underwear.

“No shirt allowed Benjamin.” She said with a smile. For the second time that night, he threw his shirt on the floor and watched Rey getting under the sheets. “Would you come here?”

Ben’s brows frowned. “Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep on the couch?”

She shook her head and he joined her under the sheets. He never would have thought that this night would end up this way but when Rey laid her head on his chest, snuggling him, he found himself thinking that he wouldn’t mind stay like this everyday.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 65, 66, 67, 68 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Rey quietly sneaked out of her room where Ben was still asleep. She had slept so well last night, snuggling against Ben chest who held her all night. Rose was waiting for her in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Good morning sleeping beauty” Grinned Rose.

Rey muffled “morning” between her teeth and adjusted the shirt she had just put on. She took a look at the apartment and boy they did make a mess.

“So…” Started Rose. “Care to explain what happened last night?”

Rey sighed and poured herself a cup of coffee.

“We finished our assignment and we basically talked, a lot.” Rose was staring at her, not buying anything Rey just said. “What?”

“Cut the crap Johnson” Rose put down her cup and lowered her voice. “Did you gu-..”

Before she could finish her sentence, the door of Rey’s room was opened. A sleepy Ben came out of the dark room, hand in his hair trying to arrange it. Thanks God he’s wearing a shirt Rey thought as he walked toward the girls.

“Good morning.” He said with a little smile, his gaze on Rey’s face a little longer than necessary. She blushed and focused on her cup, not quite sure what she was supposed to say now. This was embarrassing. But it shouldn’t be, right?

“Coffee?” Asked Rose. Ben nodded with a smile. “Good call. You guys must be so tired after all the studying.”

Rey almost choked. She turned red and tried to hide her embarrassment behind her cup. “Oh my god….”

Rose was smiling, very proud of herself at this moment.

Ben tried his best not to laugh. He really did. But a small laugh escaped his lips and Rey’s eyes were murdering him.

“I’m exhausted, we really went deep into the subject” He smirked at Rose and Rey almost spitted out her drink. “As a matter of fact, we studied all over the place.”

“Gross!” Rose yelled, taking her hand out of the table.

Rey swore she was dying inside. She excused herself and get back to her room. She closed the door behind herself and sat on her bed. She didn’t know how to feel. Maybe last night was a mistake. Well, not a mistake, per se but she was unsure what her relationship with Ben would be now. Were they still friends? Were they dating? Was it just a one time thing and he wouldn’t text her again?

A knock on the door broke her train of thoughts. She heard herself say yes before Ben entered the room, closing the door behind him. He stood by the door, his cup of coffee still on his hand. He looked confused, as if we was carefully choosing his next words.

“So…” He started carefully. “How do you feel?"

That was the million dollar question. How did she feel? “Overwhelmed, to be honest.”

Ben putted his cup on her deck before sitting down on her bed, next to her.

“Talk to me Rey.” He said, looking at her like he was trying to read her soul.

She took a deep breath.

“It’s just… I’ve never done anything like that before and I— I don’t want you to think that I’m the kind of person who does stuff with her friends.” She took a deep breath before continuing her monologue, lost in all the emotions submerging her right now. “ Ben I am so sorry I hitted on you last night, it won’t happen again I promise. I don’t know if it was the wine or the Above You situation but I shouldn’t have act that way and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or something it wasn’t my attention and—“ She was hardly breathing now but she kept going “ And I don’t want you to think that when I invited you to sleep here I wanted to do— stuff and—- and I’m so sorry because for sure I wasn’t even good.” She was on the edge of having a panic attack right now but her lips just couldn’t stop moving. “I care about you Ben. A lot. I just hope it won’t jeopardize our friendship.”

Rey was breathing heavily but she felt a little better now. Letting it all out had made her lighter. Ben was processing everything she had just said. And it surely wasn’t what he thought it would be. Gently, he started stroking her back, trying to get her to relax.

“Rey.” He grabbed her chin gently, meeting her eyes. “Now you listen to me. Never in a million year I would have thought that this— you and I would happen.” He marked a quick pause. Shit was about to get real. “I know we’ve only met few weeks ago and yes— I did agreed to be your friend but I’m pretty sure we would be a great coupl— thing. You and I.” He smiled at her. “I would have asked you out, you know. I thought about asking you out for a long time and then you just told me that we were friends and to be honest that’s fine by me.” He paused another time, looking for his next words. “You and I, we’ve got a lot in common. We’re both literature nerds, we have fun together and let’s face it; you are hot. Hot and smart— and funny.” His thumb brushed her cheek, slowly. “And just to be clear, I am definitely not the kind of guy to hook up with his friends either. I am, in fact, a rather romantic dude. Flowers, chocolates, books obviously, anything you like.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “I think we started this the wrong way, so let me make this right.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Would you go on a date with me?”

Rey couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Benjamin Solo was asking her out? She was dreaming, of course she was. How could he be interested in her?

“I can hear you overthinking” Rey focused on his face. Confusion was written all over her face.

“What if it gets weird?” She asked, softly.

Ben took a few seconds to answer.

“Then we will know and we will go back to being friends. No pressure.”

And maybe she wasn’t thinking straight, and maybe it was a big mistake that will destroy their new friendship. But she didn’t care.

“Yes. I am gonna go on a date with you.”


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Ben was weirdly staying outside of the flower shop, unsure if he should really do this. Google said he shouldn’t bring flowers on a first date but on the other hands, he did say to Rey that he was this kind of guy. It was only flowers. When he opened the door of the small shop, an old lady greeted him and asked him what kind of flowers did he want. Sure he wanted a bouquet but the big struggle here was to determine what kind of flowers he should put in. He looked at every flowers, carefully. Roses weren’t an option, it was definitely too much for a first date. The old lady was staring at him, obviously amused by his hesitation. He was about to ask for a bouquet of sunflowers to match Rey’s apartment and obvious love for those flowers when he had an idea. On their first date, Toby brought Darby a bouquet of transvaal daisies. 2 of every colours. So that’s what he asked to the lady who hurried to do the bouquet. He paid for it and walked out of the shop with a big smile on his face, it was beautiful.

When he arrived at Rey’s apartment, it was almost 5. He was right on time. He looked at his face and adjusted his plain dark blue sweater in his jeans before taking the bouquets on his hand and stepping out of his car. He took a deep breath, for courage, and ringed at the interphone of her apartment. The doors opened almost immediately, as if she was waiting by the door for him. He climbed the stairs and knocked at the door, nervous.

“Hi!” She looked beautiful, and excited. “Come on in!”

Ben greeted her with a huge smile. He entered her apartment, Rose was sitting on the couch and smiled at him as he got in.

“This is for your.” He offered her the bouquet, with red cheeks.

“Oh my God— Ben.” She took the bouquet, a radiant smile enlightening her face. She hummed the flowers. “It’s so beautiful, I love it.”

Rose was watching the scene from the sofa, happy for her friend.

“Daisies. Someone did his homework.” She teased at Ben with a grin. Rey laughed lightly and put the bouquet on a vase with some water. She couldn’t believe he was so thoughtful, it made her heart melt.

“What do you mean homework?” Ben couldn’t help but wondering what Rose meant.

“Well.” She started with a smirk. “You have obviously read Above You to bring the exact same bouquet on your first date as Toby did.”

Ben was so embarrassed. How could he forget that Rose had also read his story? That was a dumb move.

“Let him alone.” Rey shouted to Rose with a smile. “I love it, thank you again Ben.”

Uncomfortable, Ben murmured “My pleasure”. He looked at Rey putting a casual pair of converse on and grabbed her purse.

“I’m ready!”

They told Rose goodbye and they left the apartment. Ben opened the passenger door of his car for her and she thanked him again. He took a deep breath as he reached for the other side of the car. He crossed his fingers for this date to go well. The car ride went smoothly. They talked about the weather, classes, and pretty much everything in order to keep the mood light.

The coffee shop was pretty much empty. Ben spotted a table near a window and headed Rey to it. They both sat down and ordered their coffee.

“So…” Ben started. “I’m happy to be here.”

“I’m happy too.” Rey smiled at him, looking at something on her bag. “There it is!” She pulled out of her bag a pill of paper and put it on the table.

“Are we already getting divorce?”

Rey laughed. “Would you stop planning our future, especially when it’s not a happy one?”

“I’ve told you I found the perfect place for us to leave” Ben joked. Maybe it wasn’t the kind of thing you should say on a first date, but it appeared that him and Rey had the same weird sense of humor.

Their coffee arrived and they both took a sip.

“It’s my favorite chapter of Above You.” Rey finally said. “Since it’s an online story I figured I would just print my favorite chapter so I don’t come with empty hands.”

For some reasons this made Ben’s heart melt. It was the first time he saw his work on paper. He reached for the paper, a proud smile on his face. A smile that he erased almost immediately for obvious reasons. He gave her his copy of the order of the phoenix. The book was old and annotations were made on almost every pages. “You made annotations on a Harry Potter book?” She was looking at the book, reading some of the notes he left on the corner of those old pages. “You nerd.”

Ben laughed.

“Do not make fun at me!”

He read the pages Rey gave him. Apparently, her favorite chapter was the fifth one. It was a key moment of Darby and Toby’s relationship. He remembered spending hours choosing his words carefully, trying his best to portrait the feelings of those young lovers.

“What is this your favorite chapter?” Ben finally asked, lost in his own thoughts for long enough.

“I don’t know.” She frowned, taking the pages out of his hands. “I just love the idea that there’s one person for everyone out there. It’s comforting.” She marked a quick pause. “Plus, it was the first time Toby acknowledged his feeling for Darby and they’re meant to be.”

Ben listened to her carefully. He should tell her right now. But something was making him anxious. It would probably be the best to just lie, a little longer.

“I could talk for hours about this— I really could.” She smiled at him and opened the book he gave her once again. “Now you tell me why you chose Harry Potter.”

“Because I love those books?” Rey surely wasn’t happy with this answer. “My parents bought me the first one when I was 7 for christmas. It became a sort of tradition, every year they would buy me the next one. When I was eleven they offered me this one before announcing me that they were getting divorced.” He marked a small pause. “Well obviously they did not offer it on christmas because that would have been a shitty thing to do, but yeah for some reasons it became my favorite.”

Rey listened to him, nodding when he was done.

“I’m sorry for your parents divorce. But I like the fact that they kept the tradition.”

“It’s ok, they’re still friends so it’s easier for everyone.” Ben finished his coffee. “And this tradition is still going. Every year, they offer me a new book.”

“Which one did they get you last christmas?”

“Hum— As a matter of fact it was L’étranger by Camus.”

“I’m glad to see that your parents have great taste.” Rey smiled at him and decided to also share a personal story, it was the point after all. “I’ve started to really read at fourteen. One of my foster mom had this huge bookshelf on her living room and she encouraged me to read as much as I wanted so I’ve spent most of my time there reading as much as I could.”

Foster mom? Ben wanted to ask questions about her being a foster kids but obviously he didn’t. It was rude.

“What was the first book you read then?” He asked. “Probably twilight.” She said, her eyebrows frowned. “I think that was the first thing I’ve read.”

“I bet you were on team Edward.” He teased. “As everyone should be.”

Rey laughed. She couldn’t believe that Ben has read this.

“First of all, team Jacob.” How could he think Edward was a better choice? “Second of all, I never thought you’d be the kind of guy to read Twilight.”

He blushed a little, embarrassed.

“Oh bite me!” He joked, some of his assurance back. “I’ve read a lot of things. Some I’m not proud of.”

“I want to know about those shameful books of yours!” Rey was laughing. She couldn’t believe she was having such a great time with Ben. The conversation was light, natural. She really thought it would be awkward, that they wouldn’t know what to say and how to act but almost two hours had passed since they arrived and it felt like minutes.

Ben was on his second cup of coffee, Rey also on her second beverage. A coke this time. She brought the glass to her lips, listening to Ben talking about his dream of working for a publishing company. Rey was listening to every words falling out of his lips, mesmerized. He could have been talking about the weather all this time and she would still have listened with the same attention. Maybe it was his american accent, she hadn’t paid it much attention at first but damn this was working for her. Her eyes started tracing the pattern of his sweater, this dark blue was contrasting with the pale tone of his skin and he just looked so good right now. His eyes were bright, even excited, as if talking to her was lightening his world.“Rey— Are you listening?” Ben’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she felt her cheeks reddened.

“Yes!” She blurted quickly. “I’m sorry, I was just— thinking.”

“Care to share what’s going on in this beautiful head of yours?” He asked, an intrigued look on his face.

Of course she thought, I was just thinking how good you looked right now with this sweater— even if I know for facts that you look better without it. But of course she said none of those things.

“I was just thinking that I was kinda hungry.” And it wasn’t a lie, her stomach had been growling for the past 15 minutes.

“I wouldn’t mind grabbing something to eat.” He confessed.

Rey finished her coke, she was surely happy that this date wasn’t over yet.

“It’s settled then.”

They both stood up. As the gentleman he is, Ben paid for the addition even after Rey complained that she could pay. When she realized he wasn’t going to give in, she thanked him and offered to pay for their next date.

“This date isn’t over yet and you’re already planning the second one?” He smiled at her, opening the door car for her. “Geez, breath woman.”

Rey pushed him in the shoulder gently as she fasten her seatbelt. When he smiled at her, showing off his dimples her heart missed a beat. This, all of this felt right.Ben drove to a little dinner nearby. The place was crowded, the music a little too loud but the food smelled so good. Ben used his body to make a way for the both of them in this crowd and found a table. One of the only left. They sat down and took the menus in front of them. They both ordered hamburgers, coke and fries. As the food arrived, they both took a huge bite, humming. God it was so good.

Ben and Rey shared stories, tons of their personal stories. Rey was laughing so hard that little tears escaped her eyes.

“Stop laughing at my misery!” Ben complained gently, his voice full in malice.

“I can’t— can’t help it!” She looked at him, her laughters only increasing. “You guys brought this to yourself, don’t smoke pot.”

“I blame all of this on Poe.” Ben started before joining her, laughing at himself. “Now that you know about the weirdest party of my life, it’s your turn to tell me a story. And it’s better be as embarrassing.”

Rey rolled her eyes playfully but nodded anyway.

“When I first moved in with Rose, we had this little housewarming party. At first it was supposed to be just Finn and a few friends we met at college but it kinda get out of hands” She smiled at the souvenir, only Rose and her were capable of those kind of shit. “A lot more people than expected showed up and we trashed the entire apartment. The cops showed up and everything, we almost get kicked out.”

“I really want to go to one of your party, they always seem funnier than mine.”

“I’ve already invited you for our next friendly gathering, remember?” Rey teased. Though the thoughts of bringing Ben to the frat parties she sometimes ended up in seems like an appealing idea.

“I wouldn’t miss it!” He smiled at her.

They kept talking until it was time for them to leave. Ben paid once again, ignoring Rey’s comments.

“I asked you out, I’m paying.” He said to her as he opened the door car for her for the third time tonight.

He didn’t want this date to end. Sure, he felt like he knew Rey better after it which was the plan of course, but he was having such a nice time. And he knew she was having a nice time too, he could feel it. They were getting along very well, and he wanted more. Even if he shouldn’t.

“So—“ He started, turning on the car. “I had a great time tonight.”

“I had a great time too, I just—“ Rey stopped her sentence in the middle.

Realizing that she had no intention of finishing it, Ben pressed her “You just?”

“I just do want this to end.” She confessed. She was really enjoying his company and she knew it was a stupid thing to say, after all dates were meant to end but she had been dreading this part.

“I’d ask you to come home with me, but—“ Damn, couldn’t he just finish one sentence without making an awkward break? “I don’t want you to think I took you out for— that.” Rey blinked, sure she wanted to go home with him. After all, they already shared a bed together and did what could be called her most intimate experience. Ever. Part of her knew she wouldn’t have sex with Ben tonight, well maybe not nothing per se but she really wasn’t ready for a real sex experience. But where he was, worrying that by taking her to his place he’d give her a wrong impression. But she needed it, she needed to feel his lips on hers, his body pressed against hers. And she knew he needed it too.

“I’d love to go to your place.” She heard herself saying. Don’t overthink this the little voice in her head said. Ben was nice and she liked him a lot.

Ben seemed caught off guard, as if he thought she would turn him off. Relief could be read on his face when he smiled at Rey.

They stayed silence for the almost entire ride and Rey felt a knot tightening in her stomach. Anxiety. She needed to tell Ben that she was a virgin, really say the words this time. She wasn’t embarrassed about being a virgin of course, she was young and had never fell in love. Nothing to make a big deal about. But as he was parking in front of his apartment, she knew she had to have this talk—now. Because if things get steamy once their inside, and God she was hoping deep down they would get, she might ruined the mood or something.

“Hmm— Ben” She cleared her throat, unsure of what to say next. “There is something I need to tell you before we go upstairs.”

He looked at her, was she having second thoughts? Of course he wouldn’t judge her, for what she had told her, she hadn’t have sex a lot in her life and he surely didn’t wanted to force her into doing anything. Just sleeping on the same bed was good enough for him. “Okay.” He just said, turning slightly on his seat to look at her.

“It’s just—“ She took a deep breath. “I’m a vir— I never had sex, ever.”

Oh was all Ben managed to say. He surely didn’t expected that. He was about to say something, hopefully the right thing, but she kept talking.

“I know you already said that you won’t push me into doing anything I don’t want too and I believe you— I do.” She was blushing, really uncomfortable but she needed to do this. “Last time was my first experience ever, and I don’t regret this but I just want to be honest with you and tell you that I won’t have sex with you— at least not tonight, well to be entirely honest not until we are a couple—“ She blurted “I mean if we are a couple one day.”

Ben smiled at her and took one of his hand, bringing it to his lips.

“If you want to take things slow, I totally respect that.” He brushed his lips against her hand. “And I don’t mean only for sex, if you don’t want to make out or do other stuff I’m totally okay with that.”

Rey sighted, relieved. He was saying all the right things, like he always did.

“Don’t get me wrong, I really want to make out with you— and some other things” Rey smiled a little. “I’m just not ready to have real sex—yet.”

“Thank you for trusting me with this.” He just said. He couldn’t believe that Rey, the girl who told him they were friends just a few ago ago was actually opening up to him about stuff like this. It’s just so personal, right? It was less embarrassing that Rey would have thought and she was glad she trusted him with this.

“I’m going to be your sexual guide.” Ben teased after a short silence.

Rey laughed, more than happy that the mood wasn’t ruined after her confession.

“Benjamin!” She shouted, pretending indignation.

They both laughed.

“Now that we settled this, come on, I’ll show you my place.” He smiled at her one last time before going out of his car. Rey followed him and closed the door behind her.

Ben offered her his hand and she intertwined her fingers with his, a huge smile on her face. They climbed the stairs, a comfortable silence floating around.

“This is it.” He said, putting his key on the keyhole and opening the door for her to come in.

Ben switched the lights on and a living room appeared in front of her eyes. It surely was a men place. The walls were covered with movie posters and bottle of empty beers were display on a shelf.

“Do you want to drink something?” Ben asked after untying his shoes.

“I’m good.” She said, looking at the bottle of beers with curiosity. “What’s that?”

Ben followed her gaze. “Poe thought it would be a good idea to keep a bottle of every kind of beer he ever tasted. There are so much more in this room.”

Room. She wanted to see Ben’s room. For some reasons, she was sure that he would have a huge bookshelf and a neat bed.

“Is Poe’s here?”

Ben mumbled I don’t know before opening one of the door, taking a rapid look at the room.

“No, it’s not.”

Rey smiled, they were all alone.

“Show me your room then.” She teased, her shyness escaping her body.

He grabbed one of her hand and pressed her into his bedroom. Rey was right, it was everything she imagined. Ben sat on his bed, unsure what to do. Well, he knew what he wanted to do but maybe she didn’t wanted him to kiss her.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” He asked, the air was getting heavier in the room.

Rey shook her head no and closed the distance between them, settling herself on his lap.

“I have something else in mind.”Ben’s eyes darkened, her breath was louder and before any of them could say something else, their lips crashed into one another.

The kiss was passionate, hungry. Ben lips parted a little and Rey took the hint, deepening the kiss. Her tongue brushed against his and he moved his hand to her neck, trying to pulling her even closer. A soft moan escaped from her throat and Ben felt his boxer getting tighter. How could she have that much power over him?Their kiss deepened, hungrier. Her tongue was dancing around his, his hands getting down her hips. Rey couldn’t get enough of him, of this. The feel of his tongue swirling around hers made a soft moan escaped from her lips.

“Ben…” She groaned softly when his lips touched her neck for the first time tonight, tracing a slow path of kissing.

Her hands wandered under his sweatshirt, gently scratching his abs. The sounds he made at her initiative just melted her heart. Rey could tell he was holding back, keeping his hands above her clothes and focusing on kissing her, even biting her lower lips lightly which she didn’t know she liked until now.

She rubbed her hips against him, desperate to create friction to relieve the aching between her thighs. Fuck, Benjamin thought as his dick somehow get harder. Wanting her this much was almost painful but he was glad to take things slow for her. He wanted to make things right, desperately.

“Take off your shirt.” She commended, breaking their kiss for the first time since they started.

He obliged, of course he did. His sweatshirt reached the floor and Rey’s lips were on his once again. The both of them were out of air but they couldn’t find to care. She broke the kiss one more time, bringing her fingers to the dimples created by his smile. Her lips parted slightly, as if she was to say something but she stopped before any words could escaped. Instead she started blushing.

“What is it?” He asked, pulling back a string of hair behind her ear.“I just— I want to do something for you.” The words felt strange on her lips but she wanted this so bad. The thought of giving him this kind of pleasure turned her on. Admitting to him that she was a virgin was liberating enough for her to be willing to try things. New things.

“You don’t have to” Ben assured her, giving her a soft kiss on the lips.

“I want to— I mean, if that’s okay with you of course.”

Ben smiled at her. He’d take everything she would give him, as long as he was sure she actually wanted to do it.

“Of course it’s okay with me love.” He murmured against her ear, biting it gently.

She felt a familiar twitching on her lower belly and left out a soft moan. He was disturbing her with his lips all over her face and neck. She pushed him gently and get off of his lap. He looked down at her, following every of her movements. She started to unbuckle his belt, managing to scratch his abs during the process.

“Off they go…” She said, helping him to get out of his jeans.

Ben sat back on the edge of the bed, only in his black boxers on now. He looked hot. His lips were red and swollen from all of their kissing, his eyes wide and his cheeks were flushed. She sat next to him, the closest she could manage without actually sitting on him.

“What do you want to do?” He asked her gently, his hands resting behind her massaging her back. Rey took a deep breath, blushing.

“I want to— touch you” His eyes darkened but she felt obligated to add “If you want me too of course.”

“Of course I want you to Rey.”

He cupped her cheeks in his hands, leaning in to kiss her. This wasn’t the kind of kiss they used to share, it wasn’t a deep, violent kiss stealing a breath with urges it was slow, sensual, intimate. With shaking fingers, Rey started to trace his length through is underwear, earning a desperate groan. There was something special in this, Rey felt special watching him catching his breath every time her fingers brushes against the thin fabric where he needed her the most.

“Jesus Rey— I’m going to cum from all of this teasing” Ben’s cheeks were red, his mouth parted. He looked hot.

Rey apologized with a little shy smile and decided that it was the time. She gently pushed him, his back hitting the bed. His underwear were thrown on the floor right after and Rey looked at him, at all of him for the first time. Her eyes opened wide, it was the first time she saw a naked man —except or online videos that she would denied watching— and therefore she didn’t have another reference but he was big. Really big and intimidating.

Her eyes met Ben’s and he rised a little, supporting himself with his elbows.

“You really don’t have to, we could just ki—“

But she stopped him by wrapping her fingers around his length.It was soft, softer that she would have thought. Her movements were slow, unsure. On a daily basis she would have been ashamed of her inexperience but Ben didn’t seem to care. He was watching, studying her while she was discovering his masculinity. She was trying so hard to remember everything Rose and Finn had told her when they would discuss about sex but she surely wasn’t bold enough to just surprise him with her mouth. So she kept stroking him lightly, her thumb brushing his dickhead everytime her hand was up.

“Is this good?” She asked, realizing that he had been awfully quiet for a few minutes.

Ben nodded quickly. “So good Rey, you’re doing so great love”

His cock throbbed in her hand when she applied a little more pressure on his dead. So he likes that, right? She thought to herself. A moan escaped his lips when she wrapped her fingers a little tighter, adjusting her rhythm.

“Yes— Like that.”

His eyes were closed now. Once again, Ben was trying so hard not to let every dirty thoughts going on his head slipped out of his mouth. That would for sure scare her.

“I’m so close love.” Rey increased her pace for the last time of the night, focusing on his head when she felt his cock throbbing between her fingers. It only took a few more strokes for him to come. She watched him come undone, her name coming down his lips like a prayer. Ben was breathing fast, his cheeks red from the orgasm Rey just gave him.

“Was that okay?” She finally asked, breaking the comforting silence that had settled in the room for the last couple minutes.

Ben looked at her, leaning in to place a small kiss on her lips.

“Yes, it was amazing.”

“Good. Because I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.” She laughed a little, settling herself more comfortably on his legs.

When she did that, Ben suddenly realized how naked he was and how fully dressed she was.

“Okay love let me just grab my underwear.” He pushed her off his lap gently and stood up to put back his black boxer. He wanted to pay her back for what she did to him but he wasn’t sure how to ask.

Rey stood up and started walking around his room, analyzing his personal space. Ben looked at her, secretly wishing he hadn’t left any weird things around his room.

“That’s a huge bookshelf you’ve got there.” She said, looking at the massive wooden shelf taking an entire wall of the room.

“Oh, yeah.” He smiled at her, sitting back on his bed. “In case it wasn’t clear, I do love books a lot.”

“Shut up.” She laughed, reaching for pride and prejudice. The book was highlighted and obviously had been read a lot. “Good taste.”Ben smiled at her. “To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.” He quoted.

Rey put back the book on the shelf and sat back next to him.

“And very lively hopes of Mr. Bingley’s heart were entertained.” She finished with a smile, enjoying the fact that they had the same references.

“You know, after foreplay people generally ask for a payback or just snuggle.” He laughed a little, kissing her forehead. “They do not quote books.”

“How would I know?” She teased, a grim on her lips.

“Brat.” He answered with a laugh. He stepped back on the bed, his head settling on the pillow. “Come here…”

Rey immediately went up to him and settled comfortably against him. Oh he was a nice cuddler she thought to herself as his arm went behind her back, holding her a little closer. Her head was resting on his chest and his free hand was playing with her messy hair.

Suddenly, a door opened in the apartment and a voice could be heard. “Solo are you here?”

“Fuck.” Muttered Ben between his teeth. “Yes I’m here—“ He started yelling for the stranger to hear. “Just don’t come—“ The door flied of the bedroom flied open and Hux entered, obviously not realizing that Ben wasn’t alone.

“So I just talked to Rose and I really think this is going somewhere.” Hux wasn’t looking at any of them, fixing a point in the room. “I think I like her, like a lot.”

“Armitage?” Ben’s voice was half amused half annoyed.“Yes?” He asked, looking at Ben for the first time since he barged in. And that’s when he realized the two pair of eyes staring at him. “Oh dear lord.”

“Get out?” Ben offered, a few seconds away from actually kicking him out.

“Sure things. Going to Rose’s.” He bite his lips and added. “Nice seeing you Rey.” Creating a blush on Rey’s cheeks.

He closed the door behind him and a minute later he was out of the apartment again.

“I thought Poe was your roommate?” Rey asked.

“Technically Poe is my roommate but when he dated Hux he kinda moved his stuff here and when they broke up we still had this room available so he just moved a room away.” Ben continued to play with her hair. “Poe isn’t here often anyways so..”

Rey nodded. “Really is a men place.”

They kept talking until Rey fell asleep around 3. By that time she had lost her clothes, leaving her in sexy underwear. They hadn’t done anything but Ben insisted that she would be more comfortable, even offering her to borrow his clothes but she had refused. Ben was watching her sleep. Soft snoring coming down her lips. She looked so peaceful like that and he just couldn’t have enough. Unfortunately, he still felt wide awake. And inspired. He really had to write, he wouldn’t be able to sleep until his chapter was done and online. And he knew it. Carefully, he moved her out of his chest and made sure she was comfortably settled and asleep. He grabbed his laptop and get out of the room, closing the door behind him. It was time to write.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 104 and 105 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

He was so stupid. When he get up last night, inspiration consuming him, he thought this chapter was a good idea. Well to be honest, he was proud of this chapter he just wasn’t sure if using the exact same quote as he told Rey earlier had been a good idea. He loved this quote, and by the look Rey had on her face when he quoted it, so did she. 

He was becoming obsessed with her, and it scared him so much. Last night was only their official first date but the way they connected during those hours felt like they’ve been dating for a month or even more. He had have such a great time last time. There was something about this girl that touched him; lighting his mood and warming his heart. Rey was all he could think about and now that she was gone, he missed her, so much. Ben wasn’t used to this kind of feeling, in fact she was his first date in months. His last relationship was such a toxic disaster that he really thought love wasn’t for him after all. Bazine had destroyed everything on her way, letting him heartbroken and unsecured about himself. She was the polar opposite of Rey; manipulative, needy and above all full of shit. Rey felt like a new hope, a ray of sunshine through his froggy life. For the first time in forever he felt alive, and he wasn’t even pretending. 

He hadn’t mentioned Bazine to Rey yet, unsure if talking about his demoniac ex-girlfriend was a really good way to lead a date. He would talk about her, eventually. Lying had never been an issue for Ben, he had spent his entire life lying to everyone around him. Not big lies of course, just tiny little things that made his life easier. He had lied to his friends, a lot. He had lied about his relationship with Bazine, telling them that everything was good and that she was the most amazing girl he’d never met. He had lied about being ok when she left him, lied about his feelings to everyone including himself. But he could live with that, he wouldn’t change a thing about what happened and all the lies. Except for the lie he told Rey.

He should have told her he was Kylo Ren when he discovered she was a fan. What was the big deal about this anyway?  _ Hi Rey, I write romance online because my biggest dream is to become a writer and not just work in some publishing company.  _ If he had said that from the beginning, everything would have been easier. But now, it was just so weird to admit it. 

He kept messing things up; first lying to Rey, then using her as an inspiration for Darby. It was wrong and he knew it, he shouldn’t have involved his personal life to his work. But wasn’t Above You personal from the beginning after all? He started writing it when he broke up with Bazine, the big lines of the story were based on their story even if he would never admit it. The plan was simple, so easy, the storyline clear in his head. Toby was meant to ditch Darby, giving him the chance to say everything he wish he had told Bazine. It was like his second chance, and he knew how lame that would make him seem if he admitted it to someone but that was the truth. Toby and Darby weren’t soulmates, of course they loved each other but they just weren’t the right person for one another. 

Toby was a lot like him, and more. He was everything Ben always wanted to be. He was confident but emotional, fearless but romantic. He had created the perfect character to be the version of himself he never had the courage to be. Not that he was complaining about his behavior or anything, he just felt that sometimes he was holding back a little. On the other hand, he had made sure that Darby wasn’t anything like Bazine. Bazine was evil and manipulative while Darby was sweet, loving and caring. 

And Darby was Rey. He just couldn’t deny it anymore. 

  
  



	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 138 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Ben was confused. Bazine following him on twitter, his friends telling him to block her. And what did he do? He stalked her fucking instagram and liked his picture. Rookie fucking mistake.

He had made mistakes on mistakes tonight, fucking things up in a way he never thought he was capable of. 

Poe and Hux had known that Bazine was coming back and none of them bothered to tell him. Bazine was his ex-girlfriend and none of them thought it was important to inform him that the person he despised the most in the world was back? He had to find out with a twitter notification? It was so stupid. He had made a big deal about not giving a shit about her to Rey last night and a single notification was messing with his brain. He felt weak, and he hated it. 

Rey. He had text her to occupied his brain after his chapter was posted and nothing else was left to do. She had been sweet, always comprehensive, not forcing him to talk about the things on his mind. And he had blew her off, without an explanation. He should text her, explaining that Bazine made a little come back into his life and that it was disturbing her. She would understand, he knew she wouldn’t judge him for having second thoughts. Well, not second thoughts per se, he still remembered that Bazine wasn’t good for him and that he liked Rey. Nothing had changed. 

Tomorrow was a new day. He had his date with Rey and even though he was anxious for the ice-skating part he was excited to see her. Bazine’s bullshit couldn’t change a thing about his feelings for Rey. He wouldn’t allow it. 

And once again, he knew what he had to do. Following his own advice on Above You he knew what was the only thing that would allow him to commit entirely to what could be the beginning of a new adventure, an adventure of love. Bazine was a past he couldn’t change, even if he wanted it, but Rey could be his future. God he hoped so. 

He needed closure. Not the kind of closure Darby and Toby gave each other of course, even for all the money in the world he wouldn’t sleep with her. He couldn’t do that to Rey. 

So he grabbed his phone, ignoring the texts both Poe and Hux had sent him, also ignoring the only piece of advice his friends had gave him. 

He texted her.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 145, 146, 147, 148, 149 and 150 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Rey was still fulminating and Ben was supposed to be here any minutes now. What the fuck was going on with Bazine and more importantly why would she call him “my sweet love”? They hadn’t said they were exclusive and they weren’t in a relationship but still, that hurted. Hopefully, he’d explain to her how the two of them reconnected after months of radio silence and everything would be okay. 

A hand on her shoulder broke her train of thoughts and she turned around to face Ben. He was looking go, per usual, but she could tell his mind was somewhere else.

“Hi.” He said, offering her a tiny smile.

“You’re ready to go?” She asked, grabbing her backpack from the floor.

He nodded and lead her to his car. She didn’t wait for him to open the door for her even if he tried to reach the doorknob and just sat in silence.  _ Calm down _ she said mentally to herself. It was Ben, nothing had changed. 

“Is everything ok?” He finally asked after long minutes of silent driving. “You’re awfully quiet today.” 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

She sounded a little harsher than intended and felt bad about it. It was their second date and she should be enjoying herself, not worrying about some dumb fuck who are going after her man. 

“I’m sorry.” She told him, smiling at him. “I’m glad you listened to my advice and choose hot clothes.” 

“Well since I’m going to spend most of this date on my ass, at least I’d wear a hot hoodie to keep the above of my body warm.” He gave her a little smile. “I really should warn you, I’m not good at ice skating.”

She turned slightly to him, opening herself to a real conversation and not some stupid small talk.

“I’ll hold you like a child, don’t worry about falling flat on your ass Solo.” She teased a little. “When was the last time you went for ice skating?”

“Few months ago” He answered vaguely. “Why did you choose ice skating anyways?”

Rey didn’t comment on the way he avoided her question. 

“One of my foster mom used to take us to the rink at least one day a week.” She looked through the window. letting her mind wandered to those rare happy memories. “So I figured this would be a good idea for our date because it’s something that I like a lot—“ She looked back at him, trying her first shot of the night. “And dates are way of sharing important things to build a healthy and trustworthy relationship.”

Rey analyzed his reaction but Ben didn’t moved. Either he was a good comedian or he just didn’t realized that she knew about Bazine tweets.

“I like this.” 

They spent the rest of the drive making small talk. Both of them could feel the heavy tension in the air but none of them felt bold enough to address it. Ben parked the car in front of the rink and Rey was nervous. She wanted to break the ice between them but Ben was the one who screwed up. He should be the one to explain himself and apologize. So when he asked her if she was ready, she put on a fake smile and said yes before following him out of the car. 

“Come on Benjamin!” Rey was laughing, watching Ben fall for the 10th time since they arrived. 

She was more than delighted to realize that even with his lie floating between them, she was having a nice time. And she was sure Ben was also enjoying himself, or at least enjoying the fact that they were alone.

“I told you I was terrible at these” He murmured, getting back up with Rey’s help.

“Just grab my hand and follow my lead.” She offered him her hand with a smile and he gladly linked their fingers together. 

Ben tried to copy Rey’s movements and after a few more minutes of unsure shaking knees, the both of them were ice-skating hands in hands and settling their pace on the slow song coming out of the speakers. 

“See,” Rey started, tilting her head to stare at him. “You’re a pro now!”

She concluded her sentend by trying to let go of his hand but his only response was an unhappy groan, tightening his grip on her hand. 

“Do not let go of me Johnson.” He threatened playfully. “Or you’ll fall with me.”

Ben was pleased to see that even after the chaotic start in the car, Rey wasn’t mad enough to ignore him for the rest of the night. He still wasn’t sure why she reacted that way when he picked her up but he didn’t wanted to ruin their date by asking. Part of him knew she was mad because of the way he had spoken to her last night, for which he had plans to apologize after the all ice-skating situation, but he had this weird feeling that maybe something else was on her mind. 

_ God, _ he hoped that she hadn’t seen his tweet and Bazine’s answer. Ben had thought about his meeting with Bazine, trying to figure out every scenario that might happened. Some of them were good with the both of them going their separate ways and never speaking again, some of them were chaotic with and endless screaming match and finally some of them were highly inappropriate and Ben hated himself for thinking about sex with his ex-girlfriend when he was dating Rey. His brain was screaming  _ you guys aren’t exclusive, you’re just dating _ and maybe, maybe, if he knew that Rey wouldn’t erase him of her life for doing something like that he would’ve considered having sex with Bazine. He couldn’t be trusted around her and that was part of the reason why he’d decided to tell Rey about Bazine after their meeting, after he had had the closure he deserved. A real closure, not a sex one. 

“Are you listening to me?” Rey asked, gently poking his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, you were saying?” 

Rey kept talking about her childhood, sharing with him so many new informations. He listened to her, commented on every insignificant details in a way that made Rey’s heart flutters with joy. They kept spinning around the giant rink, still hands in hands until Ben felt bold enough to try standing on his own. 

“You can do it babe” Rey teased, emphasizing the pet name she knew he loved. 

Ben let go of her hand, slowly and slided on his own. “Not that bad, right?” He asked, a giant smile lightening his face. Ben tried to turn to reach Rey who was standing a few meters away, watching him proudly, cheering even like he was a child scoring a goal, but his right foot didn’t follow and before he could realize what was happening, his body met the frozen floor. 

Rey had follow the entire fall with her eyes wide open. It wasn’t the first time he fell but it was definitely the first time where his wrist met the floor instead of his ass. She quickly rushed to him, kneeling at his side.

“Are you alright ?” She asked, reaching for one of his arm to help him sit. 

Ben carefully sat, shouting curses through his teeth. His right arm was pressed against his chest, his other arm massaging his forearm and avoiding his wrist.

“Yes.” He murmured, closing his eyes and breathing heavily. “Just give me a second.” 

His entire body was tensed and his face livid. Rey could tell that even though he was trying his best to not say anything, he was in pain. 

“Let me see.” She said, delicately removing the arm covering the injured one. She took a look at his wrist and even if she wasn’t a doctor, the swelling and the blue and purple bruises already coloring his pale skin was enough information for her to declare. “We’re going to the ER.”

Ben had been quiet for the entire drive, barely noticing that Rey was the one driving. For a moment she was worried that he might have hit his head but she was pretty sure that it wasn’t the case. “We’ll be there in 8 minutes, hang in there.” She said softly, owning a soft smile from him. 

When Rey finally parked in front of the ER, the parking lot was almost empty and with luck they would be out in 2 hours. With a little smile she helped Ben getting out of the car, carefully avoiding his wrist and the two of them walked into the building.

Rey was sitting in the little waiting room, patiently waiting for Ben to come back. She had texted Rose about what happened and texted Poe and Hux from Ben’s phone as he had asked her. 

The reaction of their friends was worried so Rey took the time to explain what happened to all of them, even answering the stupid ones such as “Will he have a new bionic wrist “. Poe was dumb but at least, the last hour had passed so fast.

But now, now she was really bored. She was counting the minutes, her brain incapable to shut up. Of course she felt guilty, she was the one who suggested to go ice-skating and had insisted even though he had warned her that he wasn’t good. Why didn’t she choose a more simple date? Movie and dinner would have been a better idea. 

This night had been weird. Rey was mad but also hurt from his lying and she knew that she hadn’t give him a proper chance to explain himself, to tell her to stop worrying because of course he wasn’t meeting with Bazine on monday. She had stayed quiet, waiting for him to say something but he hadn’t. And that was driving her crazy.

Ben’s phone buzzed on her hand and she looked at the notification, wishing that Poe or Hux were asking for news. The name of the contact made her blood boiled under her skin. So she really was talking to him. Fucking Bazine. It took every sane cells on her body to remind her that snooping on his stuff wasn’t a solution and that she should looked away. But his phone kept buzzing, buzzing, buzzing and Rey lost it. She unlocked his phone and clicked on one of her texts. She’ll let her know that Ben was currently in the ER and that he would answer her later. That was the nicest thing to do. 

  
  



	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 154, 155, 156, 157, 158, 159, 160, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170 on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Tears were threatening to escape Rey’s eyes. She knew she shouldn’t have read those texts, she knew it was bad but she needed to know. Needed to know what was going between the two of them. 

At first, she was pleased to realize that Ben was ignoring her but those last texts? The sexual tension between them was heavy, full of history. Rey wanted to get the hell out of here and get drunk until Ben became a blurry memory. 

After everything he had told her about Bazine, she expected texts filled with anger and hate. Not a fucking walk on sex memories lane. Rey was trying so hard to contain the overwhelming emotions growing on her, the ER was not the place to burst into tears. Part of her wanted to call this entire dating situation off, Ben obviously had things to figure out on his own and wasn’t ready to commit to a healthy relationship ship. At least not yet. But those were the words of her brain, her heart begging her to listen to his explanation before deciding what was the best thing to do.

She wouldn’t believe,  _ refused _ to believe, that Ben was still in love with this woman. He hated her, deep down she knew that everything he’d told her over text was the truth. Bazine had broke his heart, destroyed his self confidence and just played him. And seeing him falling into the same old trap was driving her mad. Mad because deep down she was certain that Ben didn’t wanted to crawl back to Bazine. 

Even if he wasn’t in love with her, he still was emotionally attached to her. And she couldn’t change a thing about that, but she was willing to try. Losing Ben over his psychotic ex-girlfriend was worse than sitting on her wounded heart to try and understand why he’d agreed to meet with her on monday. 

Rey never had been one to jump on conclusion. After everything she’d went through in life, she still wanted,  _ needed _ , to believe that the humankind was good and worth forgiveness. Ben deserved a chance to explain himself, to explain everything that had happened in his mind. Rey was trying so hard to convince herself that he indeed had a good reason for those unholy texts, because she wasn’t sure she’d survived a plain  _ I still love Bazine  _ kind of explanation. 

She needed a plan, a simple plan to prepare herself for the upcoming hours. First of all she needed to drive the both of them to her place, that way they were stuck together and they would have no other choice to talk. Maybe it was selfish, trapping him to her place and everything, but after everything he’d done and considering the fact that she was willing to listen and forgive everything she had the right to. Of course she would admit that she had read his texts, meeting him halfway on the I screwed up lane.

“Rey.” 

At the sound of his voice, Rey jumped on her feet and turned around to see him. She closed the distance between them, ignoring the fact that she was angry with him. This could wait until they were home.

“Is it broken?” She asked, looking at the huge white cast wrapped around his wrist and all to way to his forearm. 

“Yes.” He smiled at her, obviously in less pain than a few hours ago. “Can we agree not to ever go to the rink again?” 

“Or, you can just learn how to coordinate your body.” She teased a little, owning a gentle clap on her shoulder. 

“How dare you insulting a wounded man?” 

The both of them chuckled, and for a moment Rey was brought back to their first date when no tension was floating in the air. A couple of signatures on ER forms later, the both of them were heading out to the parking lot.

“I hope you don’t mind driving.” He asked, opening the passenger door.

“Really? I thought you were driving me home.”

He laughed as they both settled in the car, Rey behind the steering wheel. 

“I know love.” He laughed, adjusting the seat belt to avoid his cast. “I’m failing on my gentleman mission here.”

Rey tensed at the nickname  _ love _ , remembering way too clearly that Bazine had called him that but decided to let it go. It was a 25 minutes drive until her apartment and the anxiety was already starting to settle on her body. And plus, she loved Ben calling her  _ love _ and Bazine wouldn’t change a thing about this; she wouldn’t allow it.

“I’m going to drive you to my place because it’s closer.” She just said, starting the engine and leaving the empty parking lot. “You can stay over tonight if you want, I’ll ask Rose to ask Hux to bring you some clothes and stuff.”

Ben was confused, he didn’t thought that Rey would offer him to stay with her. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“It’s easier that way—“ She marked a pause, easier for him to stay and listen to everything she had to say. But she couldn’t say that yet so she came up with the only logical lie her mind managed to create. “— You’d have to come back tomorrow night for the party either way.”

He gently put his hand on her knee and smiled. A cute smile, going up to his ears and eyes. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.” 

_ If only you knew _ , she thought. 

“That’s the least I can do considering that I’m the reason why you’re wrist is broken.” 

“You don’t really think that, do you?” His voice was concerned, the idea of her blaming herself for his clumsiness unbearable. “It was an accident and it was all of me.” 

“I’m the one who encouraged you to skate by yourself.” She simply said, her eyes focused on the road.

He sighed. “Let’s just agree that this will be a funny story to tell.”

She simply nodded and the both of them stayed quiet for the rest of the drive. 

When Rey finally parked her car in the parking lot of her apartment, it was way past midnight. She was dreading this part, not knowing what to expect. In her mind, two scenarios could happen: either Ben will snapped at her for reading his texts and invading his personal space, which he’d have every right to. Or he would just apologized to sexting with his ex girlfriend and explain everything that was going on, reassuring her that she had no reasons to be worried and that Bazine was his past. 

They made their way up to the apartment and Rey was pleased to see a little note on the kitchen table informing her that she would stay at Hux’s tonight. 

“Rose is at yours.” She informed him, reaching for a box of pasta. She was starving, the events of the night unable to erase her appetite. “Are you hungry? I only have pasta so I hope that’s okay.”

“I’ll text Hux to bring me some stuff.” He answered, sitting on one of the chair around the table. “And yes, pasta’s fine by me.”

Rey tried to keep her mind busy with the cooking, avoiding his gaze. Ben could tell something was off with her but he couldn’t quite figure out what was going on with her. 

They ate there pasta in almost complete silence, and it was a relief to hear a knock on her door. She let Ben get it since Hux was here for him and she locked herself in the bathroom, taking a quick shower to clear up her mind.

It was now or never. She looked at herself in the mirror, a determined look in her eyes she had never seen before. She was ready for this. All of her life she had waited for someone worth fighting for and Ben was the guy. The right guy she had no intention on giving up. She was ready for the screaming, for the hurting truth even, but they would talk through everything. If tonight was going on according to her plan, they would be no secrets left between them, no lies and most importantly no crazy ex girlfriend trying to steal his heart. 

She walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Ben was sitting in the couch, now wearing a grey pair of sweatpants and a plain black shirt. She took a deep breath, sitting next to him at a reasonable distance. 

“Ben. We need to talk.”

Ben didn’t react right away, typing a text on his phone. 

“Benjamin.” She said exasperated. 

“Sorry.” He paused his phone on the little table and turned slightly to his side, looking at her more comfortably. “What do we need to talk about?”

Rey couldn’t help the little angry sigh coming out of her lips. Was he playing dumb on purpose?

“I don’t know.” She said, the words colder that she wanted. “Don’t you think you’ve got something to say to me?”

She saw the moment realization hit him, his eyes looking away. 

“You’ve seen the tweet.” He stated calmly. Rey’s attitude was scaring him, she wasn’t yelling or anything just staring at him with the neutral expression he had never seen. And considering that Rey was a very expressive person, maybe it was worst than screaming.

“And the texts.” She confessed.

Ben looked at her, blood rushing to his face. “You've read my texts?” His voice was low and kind of scrapie as he tried his best to control the anger forming in his body.

“When I was waiting for you earlier, you’re phone kept buzzing and I just wanted to let them know that you were getting a cast and will answer later.” She laughed a little, bittersweet. “Guess how much I was surprised to see that the person blowing up your phone was you’re lovely ex girlfriend.”

“Emphasizing the  _ lovely ex girlfriend _ ?” Ben asked, his tone mocking. “Really Rey?”

He wasn’t taking her seriously which only increased her rage. As if all of this wasn’t his fault in the first place.

“Oh—I’m sorry.” She stuttered. “Should I say lovely  _ girlfriend _ ?” She faked her best smile and Ben gritted his teeth. “After all, who am I to keep you away from the best blowjob of your life.”

This felt like a slap in Ben’s face. She really had read it all and of course she was mad. He hadn’t meant any of those flirty texts he had sent Bazine but how could she believe him? It looked bad and he knew it.

“Don’t do this to yourself Rey.” He was trying to be reassuring, choosing his words carefully to avoid the fight. “I’ve already told you that Bazine is my past.”

Rey stood up and started to go back and forth behind the coffee table. 

“Bullshit.” She snapped. “Who sext to their past? Fucking no one.” She looked at him, raising her voice. “You’re lying to my face and that’s not ok.”

At first Ben didn’t say a thing, taking the blame. She was right, sexting with Bazine had been a mistake and he should apologize right now. But she needed to understand that Bazine had always have her way with him and even though he knew he shouldn’t let her, he wasn’t strong enough to call her off. When he had met Rey, he really thought he was past this, past her, but a single follow had ruined everything. 

“I’m not lying Rey—“ He reached out his valid hand, almost touching her behind the table but the look on her face told him to fuck off. “Just let me explain, please.”

“You’ll explain when I’ll be done talking.” If her gaze could kill him, Ben would be long gone. “So last night when you texted me and then shut me off, it was because you were talking to her?” 

_ Do not raise your voice _ Ben was thinking to himself, a little mantra he had just came up with to help him stay calm. If he started to scream, there would be no room left for discussion and the situation would only go poorly until one of them say something they couldn’t take back.

“I texted you after I sent a text to Bazine.” His voice was calm, his words sincere. “I was pissed off and you’re the only person I wanted to talk with—“ He marked a pause, chewing on his lower lip. “I didn’t meant to be rude, I just wasn’t in a good mood and I didn’t wanted to worry you about it.”

“But sexting with her 12 hours later was okay?” She resumed walking around the room, refusing to deal with his gaze on her face right now. “So let me get this straight, when you’re pissed off you’re running to  _ the little girl _ you’re dating but when it’s about going to sex memory lane with her I’m not existing?”

“Wh—?” 

Rey shut him up, quickly closing the gap between the two of them. She stood in front of him, enjoying the fact that from here she was totally dominating him. “I’m sorry to stand between you and this orgasm machine girl.” She meant that, weirdly. “I don’t know who the fuck do you think I am but if you’re here for sex, well— I’m sorry for you, I really am.” 

Ben stood up angrily, forcing Rey to take a step back. 

“Your insecurities have nothing to do with Bazine.” He spat through his teeth. “If I wanted sex I would’ve find myself a sexfriend.” His eyes were throwing flames at her and Rey took another step back. “We’ve had this discussion plenty of times, I’ve told you more than once that we wouldn’t do anything you didn’t feel comfortable doing— don’t you fucking dare telling me that I’m here for sex.” 

“ _ My insecurities? _ ” She asked, her voice reaching a new level of highness. “Maybe if my boyfriend wasn’t going on a date for  _ closure _ with his stupidly hot ex girlfriend I wouldn’t have insecurities.” 

Ben tensed when she called him her boyfriend. Were they here yet? A few days ago he’d have say yes, they were ready for this and those next dates were just formalities for the bright future Ben thought was meant to happen. But now? He wasn’t so sure. 

“So now I’m your boyfriend?” He teased, even though this time he wasn’t playing. “So much for taking things slow.”

“You really think being a smart mouth is going to save you from all the mess you created?” 

He shook his head. If only she could shut up for a minute and let him explain himself. 

“If you hadn’t read my texts in the first place you’d have never known about monday and I could have tell you after everything was over.” He yelled, his valid hand going through his hair shakingly. “But of course not, you had to snoop on my things and just assume that I was cheating on you, which by the way I am not, without even giving me the benefit of the doubt or letting me speak for more than 10 seconds to explain myself.”

Rey couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Was he really trying to blame her for looking to his conversation? He was the one who had told her to text his friends in the first place, the one to give her his phone. 

“Are you mad at me for reading your texts or for bursting you?” She looked at him, a single tear running down her cheek. Feeling the wetness on her cheek only increased her rage, crying because of anger was one of the thing she despised the most and yet it was happening. 

Ben was trying so hard to not yell, convinced that it wasn’t the way of fixing the mess he had created. 

“I’m mad at you for reading my personal conversation!” He sat back on the couch, his body shaking. “How would you feel if I went behind your back reading your text— Wouldn’t you be fucking pissed to realize that I wasn’t trusting you?”

Rey took her phone out of her pocket and handed it to him, challenge in her eyes.

“I have absolutely nothing to hide so please, Benjamin, be my guest.”

“That’s not what I meant—fuck.” He pushed her hand away, gently. “Are you done yelling, so we can talk about it like adults.”

Rey let escaped a cold laugh, putting her phone away and crossing her arms under her chest. “Have at least the courtesy of making your excuse believable.”

Ben stayed quiet for a few minutes. His eyes were locked on Rey’s and the reflection of sadness and anger he could read made him want to throw up.  _ Save this. _

“As I told you, Bazine followed me on twitter last night.” He started, his voice low and slow to let Rey analyzed everything he was saying. “The first thing I did was texting Poe and Hux and they just confirmed that they’d known for a while that Bazine was coming back and these fuckers didn’t said anything— I was just so confused.” 

Rey clicked her tongue, irritated.

“I know it’s not an excuse—“ He added quickly. “But yes, I felt confused and I went on her instagram— And I know how dumb it sounds but you’ve got to understand Rey, I had made my peace with Bazine leaving me and I was convinced I would never see her again—“ Ben knew his next words should be chosen carefully or Rey would just snap at him once again. “And she just came back after months of radio silence, she could have been dead for all I knew.” 

Rey’s lips opened for less than a second and closed right away, the words not slipping away.

“I don’t know how much of our conversation you read, but I’m the one who texted her first.” Ben’s fingers were on his hair, a little habit he had when he was stressed. “I swear all I wanted to know was why she would follow me on twitter after dumping me— I’ve told you that she broke my heart and that I’d moved on but obviously I wasn’t so right about that.” 

Rey’s jaw clenched and Ben couldn’t believe that he was destroying everything. Once again he had let Bazine ruins the only good thing in his life and he had let her do without a blink. He needed to help her understand that nothing Bazine would ever say could change the way he felt about her. 

“What about monday?” Rey asked, shouting down Ben’s train of thoughts. 

“Right.” He shook his head a little, closing his eyes. It was easier, this way he couldn’t see the hurt on Rey’s face. “I— Remember Above You?” He blurted quickly, his cheeks blushing.

The little sound Rey made had him open his eyes. 

“What?” She just asked, confusion written all over her face. 

“I read it.” It was a lie, of course it was. But now wasn’t a good time to reveal his fake internet identity to her. “After our first date, I read all of the chapters and the last chapter was about closure and I— I just realized that Bazine and I never had a real closure.” 

“Oh.” She said surprised before adding a little more angrily . “So you’re telling me that your big explanation is sexual closure?” She seemed disgusted. “All of this sexting was foreplay for the final sexual act of Benjamin Solo, I’m sorry I get mad— How insensitive of me.” 

She put a hand on her heart, faking a sorry face.  _ Fuck,  _ she was driving him crazy. Ben breathed slowly, building back his self control.  _ She’s pissed and hurt, she doesn’t mean that _ he reminded himself, hoping deep down that it was true. 

“Rey you know it’s not what I meant.” He said calmly, massaging his temple with both of his hands, welcoming the pain of his broken wrist as he did so. “Reading this chapter made me realized that closure was what I needed.” He resumed. “When Bazine broke up with me, it was over text. I never had the chance to tell her everything I had to say— And trust me there’s a lot of thing I want to get out of my chest.”

“Why haven’t you said anything about monday?” She asked, her voice more stable now. The tension had decreased a little but they were still walking on thin ice.

“Because I thought you wouldn’t understand.” He admitted. “I don’t know why I said all of those sex things, I never should have said any of those because I don’t want that.” He looked at her, tear in his eyes. That was a first. “I don’t want any of this— I don’t want Bazine to give me the ‘blowjob of a lifetime’.” He imitated the quote sign with his fingers “I certainly do not want to touch Bazine ever again— I swear I’d rather never having sex with you than having sex with her one last time.” 

But Rey wasn’t one to be convinced easily. She stayed in the same position, her face showing nothing of the thousand emotions rushing inside her. She wanted to believe him, and if she was being totally honest with herself she already did. She felt sorry for him, sorry that this girl had managed to go under his skin like this. 

“I don’t know if I can trust you.” She murmured, her brain trying to assimilate everything he had told her.

Ben almost jumped to his legs, shaking his head for what seemed the thousand time tonight.

“No— no please Rey.” His voice was panicked.  _ Don’t break up with me _ , he wanted to shout but he couldn’t allow himself to speak up. 

“It’s just so much Ben.” She erased the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry she treated you this way, I really am— But how can this—“ She moved her hand, waving in the space between them. “How can this,  _ us _ , work if everytime she texts you, you just go back to your old demons?”

_ It won’t work _ , Ben whispered to himself, the realization hitting him hard. This couldn’t be it, right? In retrospective he shouldn’t be that affected, two dates weren’t enough to fall in love. Or was it? 

The truth was that Rey had lighten something inside him that he thought was long dead. He had known her for a few months now and everything had changed. After Bazine left he was just so  _ angry _ all the time, drowning himself in his writing and university but now, now he was different. Or at least he felt different. Ever since he had run into her in this bar, everything felt better. Even his friends had noticed that he was returning to his old self. Thinking back, he was sure that he had liked her right away; she was just so  _ bright.  _ The way she was always speaking with enthusiasm, all the laughters, all the kisses— Rey was everything he’d always wish to find in a woman and so much more. 

In hindsight, this really shouldn’t surprise him. Rey had brought him back from the dark side, letting him taste the sweetness of the other side; a lighter side he never thought he’d know again. She had wrapped him in her halo without even realizing it and  _ fuck—  _ of course he loved her. How can he have been so stupid? 

He had known for a long time that he liked her, it wasn’t a surprise. But  _ love _ ? He had been in love once in his life and  _ damn _ — it was too much. He thought that maybe,  _ maybe _ , if everything went great with Rey he could have fallen in love, but not like this. Not in months. Not when he was minutes away to lose her. 

The idea of losing her before he could even have her was unbearable. And yet, he knew that Rey hadn’t have to suffer because of him. She was right; it wouldn’t work until Bazine was out of his mind. But it didn’t make it easier. How can something that had barely started can hurt this much when it was close to end? Because he loved her. And it took hours of fight for him to realize. It took the threat of  _ losing her _ to accept the fact that he was hopelessly in love with her. 

“I don’t want this to end.” He looked at her, fighting against himself to not erase her tears. 

The words tasted salted on his lips. It was a nightmare, this night should have been filled with laughter not tears. 

“I don’t want this to end either.” She murmured, looking at her feet. Her voice was low,  _ broken _ . “How can I be sure that you’re not getting back with her— I refuse to be your band aid or your date until you realize that she was better.” She confessed, blushing a little. 

Ben had been right when he had told her she had insecurities. But who wouldn’t? Bazine was hot and way more experimented that she was. And even more importantly, they had history. A very toxic history, but still something that Ben wasn’t letting go. 

“Rey—“ His voice was hurt, his eyes wet and she knew that he wasn’t trying to hurt her or lie. “You’re the only person I want to be with.” His hand went to his eyes, rubbing slowly. Rey swore she had seen a tear. “What can I do to prove you that I’m sorry— If you don’t want me to meet with Bazine on monday I won’t, I swear.” He looked back at her, panicked. “I’ll do anything  _ love. _ ”

Rey looked at him. The man wrecked in front of her was so different from the Ben she liked. He seemed younger, his face distorted with pain and his eyes bloodshot. 

She liked him. She liked him so much that the idea of losing him was insufferable. She was leading a fight she’d lost since she spilled beers on him. Who was she kidding? 

Watching him broken on her couch, waiting for her to tell him what to do made her heart ached. She believed him. She decided to take a leap of faith, because he was worth it. Benjamin Solo was worth it. 

She looked at him and just closed the distance between them by sitting next to him. His eyes followed her entire movements, and Ben was dying to hear the next words she’d say. No matter what she’d say, he’d respect it and accept it. Even if it meant that she might broke her heart. 

“We’ll get through her.” She started, adding softly. “Together.” 

Ben froze, his eyes searching for answers in hers.

“Tonight sucked—“ She chuckled almost silently. “And you not trusting me enough to tell me everything hurted me even more than the texts.” She slowly moved her hand to cover his. “But I won’t let this girl win because the very idea of losing you— it’s worse than everything.” 

Ben wasn’t assimilating any of the things she had just said. “I don’t deserve you.” It wasn’t a question, just a fact that made Rey’s heart ache a little.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” She rubbed her thumb on the back of his hand. “It doesn’t matter, I like you for who you are— all of you.” She smiled at him, a little smile but still. “I want you with all of your flaws and if dealing with Bazine is something you have to do to move on— well I’ll do it with you.”

Before she could say anything else, she was sitting on Ben’s lap. His strong arms were close on her back, crushing her against his chest. His face was buried in the crook of her neck and Rey could feel tears wetting her skin. 

“I’m sorry.” He kept whispering against her skin and Rey massaged his scalp gently.

They stayed like this for a while, the both of them enjoying the silence after what felt hours of screaming. Rey was the first one to break the serenity of the moment.

“I’ll be your girlfriend if you promise me to not lie me again.” She murmured, her lips on his hair. 

Ben raised his head from her neck and look at her. Rey could still see the rest of fresh tears on his cheeks and she brought one of her hand to his first cheek to erase all of it.

“I won’t lie to you again.” He said, his voice starting to sound back to normal.

Rey smiled at him, finishing to clean his second cheek before saying.

“You better not—“ She marked a pause. “ _ Boyfriend. _ ”

When his lips finally met hers, Rey knew that forgiving him was the right choice. 


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parts 187 and 188 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

It was way past 4 in the morning when Poe and Finn took off. Ben had called a Uber, convincing them that they would be more comfortable in Finn’s bed than in the couch. Rose and Hux were asleep, leaving only one wild Rey screaming from the top of her lung the lyrics of whatever songs playing on the radio. 

She was so loud and above all,  _ so drunk _ . To be fair, she had told him more than one story involving alcohol but  _ damn _ . 

Ben took a look at the place and decided to clean up the biggest part of the mess they had met. At least until Rey was calm enough for him to put her to bed. He started by throwing away the red cups and the empty bottle. As he would have swore, they had bought way too much. 

“Beeeen— Come dance with me” 

He looked up at Rey after putting away the leftovers. “It’s time to sleep love.”

Rey shook her head and tried to jump out of the couch, almost tripping. Ben quickly closed the distance between them, taking her head.

“You really do need to sleep.” He kissed her forehead gently and hushed her in her bedroom. 

“I know what we could do….” She said playfully after lying on the bed. “Let’s have sex.” 

Ben almost choked.  _ She really is hammered. _ He rolled his eyes, helping her to sit down on the edge of the bed. 

“I mean it— baby.” She stuttered. “I want you. Now.”

Ben didn’t reply, untying her shoes the best he could with only one hand. He took of her socks, pushing away Rey’s adventurous hands. 

“Stay still Rey.” He groaned, trying to push her jeans away. “Stand up for a second please.”

Soon her jean was on the floor and her shirt out of the way. Undressing her had been a pretty easy task but putting on her pajamas took Ben a solid 15 minutes of negotiation. 

“We’re not going to have sex, just lift your arms.” Ben was trying his best to put on her the first shirt he had found in her closet but she was being so stubborn.

“Don’t you want me?” She asked, a little sadness settling in her eyes.

“I do want you babe.” He started, managing to finally have her all dressed up. “But not when you’re drunk and vulnerable.”

30 minutes of more negotiations later, the both of them were lying under the covers, Rey’s little body snuggling against him. Her head was resting on his neck and by the little snores coming out of her parted lips, he knew she was asleep. He lazily let his fingers trace patterns on her bare shoulders, enjoying the calm after hours of loud music. He slightly turned his head to kiss her hair, her peach shampoo fragrance tickling his nostrils. Even now, she looked beautiful. His gorgeous girlfriend. He still couldn’t believe his luck, couldn’t believe that after all of the shitty tricks he had pulled she still wanted to be with him. Ben knew she was too good for him, Poe had made a big monologue about it. But he was selfish enough to accept whatever she would give him.  _ Boy _ ,  _ I really do love her _ was his last thought before finally falling asleep.


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parts 201, 202, 203, 205, 206, 207, 208, 209, 210 and 211 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Ben was biting his nails nervously, trying his best to focus on whatever thing Poe’d been ranting about for the last 5 minutes. 

“Earth to Solo.” Said the voice of Hux, bringing Ben back to the backseat of his car. 

“Sorry.” He growled, checking at his phone for the fourth time since they had left the campus. He read the last text Rey had sent him over and over again, a mantra to help him get through those next hours.

_You_ _got this_ she had told him before he get on the car, but he wasn’t so sure anymore. The very idea of seeing Bazine after all this time was making him sick and if his stomach wasn’t empty, he surely would have threw up. Ben was sure that whatever Bazine had planned, it would be either painful or extremely inappropriate. The biggest challenge for him was to speak his truth before the hurricane of insults hit him in the face. And obviously to not let her get in his head again. 

“Are you guys sure that bringing Bazine to our place is a good idea?” Ben asked suddenly, the airport sign visible now. 

“Yes.” Poe answered, turning his head to the back of the car were Ben was sitting. “We will have the high ground there.” 

“And it’s always better than a random coffee shop or something. At least no one will give us weird look when she’ll make a scene.” Hux completed, driving in the parking lot to find a spot. 

_ It was a bad idea _ sang the voice in his head and he swallowed with difficulty. She wasn’t even there yet and he was already terrified. Poe and Hux were still talking, laughing from time to time, ignoring the mental battle Ben was currently dealing with. 

“What on earth is she doing?” 

Ben was walking back and forth, mumbling swears under his breath. They had been in the airport for 15 minutes and she still wasn’t there, adding even more stress to Ben who was on the edge of a panic attack. 

“She’ll be here any seconds now.” Poe told him, barely taking his eyes out of his phone. 

“What if she stood me up?” Ben asked, running his hand on his hair, playing with his cast. Anything to keep his mind occupied.

Hux sighed. “She’s going to show up.”

But he wasn’t convinced. After all, she would have all the reasons to stand him up. He had warned her that he had things to say, even affirmed that those things weren’t nice. He had tell her to fuck off not later than last night when he was at Rey’s.  _ Yes, she really have all the reasons to not come _ . 

And that’s when he saw her. 

Walking towards them as if she owned the fucking airport. Everything about her was screaming self confidence: the way she looked down at people, the way she flipped her hair and even the way she walked, the sound of her heels against the hard floor echoing into Ben’s head. 

She was beautiful. Ben had always thought that she was one of the most gorgeous woman he had never met; and even now, only dressing with a black jean and an oversized button shirt she was hands down the hottest person in this building. 

“Do I really deserve 3 men to welcome me home?” She asked, a huge smile illuminating her face as she stopped in front of them. 

Before he could totally register what was happening, Bazine took him in into a tight hug; her head hiding in his neck where she left a soft kiss. He closed his arms around her, following his instincts. For a second, he was brought back at the beginning of their relationship where everything was nice and easy. 

Ben couldn’t tell how long they stayed that way; was it a second? A whole minute? If he was being completely honest, he didn’t cared. It took a not so gentle punch on his shoulder to let go of her. 

He felt his cheeks reddened.  _ Fuck _ . He shouldn’t hug her. Definitely not. 

“We need to get going.” Hux simply said, pulling Bazine’s arm to have her walk with him and not with Ben.

As he was about to follow them, Poe blocked him and hit him in the shoulder; harder. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He asked, his voice low enough to be sure that Bazine wouldn’t hear this. “Closure, Solo— Not hugs and love eyes.” 

“I didn’t gave her love eyes.” Ben mumbled, embarrassed. “And I know, she just caught me by surprise that all.”

Poe gave him one of his  _ I don’t believe you _ look and Ben felt almost immediately guilty.

“Just stay close and hit me if I do something even more stupider.” 

“Will do.” Poe simply said before the two of them hurried to catch up with Hux and Bazine who were almost at the car. 

“This place hasn’t changed a bit.” Bazine said, walking around the little living area as if she had been living here forever. “I always liked your apartment.” 

Ben closed the door, a little more forcefully than necessary. He was confused. Bazine was acting all weird, being nice, complimenting his facial hair -even though she had made scenes in the past for him to shave almost everyday- and she was just being so— lovely? 

“Bazine, why don’t you sit down.” Hux said after a few minutes of silence during which Ben hadn’t been able to say a word, way too anxious.

“Solo get in here.” He heard Poe shouting and he followed the three of them to the couch. 

Bazine sat on one edge of the couch and Hux almost immediately sat next to her, making sure that Ben wouldn’t take that spot. So instead, Poe brought two chairs that he put behind the little table. Ben sat on one, trying to get his thoughts in order.

“So what’s up guys?” Bazine asked, looking genuinely interested. “It’s been such a long time since the four of us hanged out. I missed it.”

Hux rolled his eyes, not trying to hide his annoyance. “Cut the crap already, why are you here?”

Ben couldn’t help but feel a little bit of anger rushing to his body. And he bothered him, he shouldn’t feel sorry for he. After all, he was the one to have asked for closure. But do they have to be rude and everything? Couldn’t they just have a nice and police conversation; behave like adults for once? 

“I’m here because Bennie said he wanted to see me.” She flashed a smile at him. “He mentioned something about  _ closure _ , so I’m all ears.”

_ Right.  _ Ben took a deep breath, it was happening. It was now or never. He could do this, he had prepared everything he wanted to say. After months of anger and sadness, it was his chance to let the past die.  _ Kill it, if you have to _ , Rey had added with a wink when he had told her this. 

“Bazine, I want you to listen carefully to what I’m going to say.” He started, looking into her eyes. “Because I mean it.”

She nodded, extending her legs under the table. “As I said, Bennie, I’m all ears.”

_ Focus, Benjamin, you can do this. _

“You broke my heart.” He started, trying his best to hide any form of emotions in his voice. “You took everything from me and just act like it was ok— But it wasn’t.” 

Bazine left out a sharp laugh. That, that was the Bazine he knew. 

“I took everything from you?” She repeated, leaning over the table just a little bit. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Her voice was low but her eyes were menacing. Ben shuddered a little, this was worse than the old Bazine who would just yell loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood. 

“You took everything—“ He resumed, hiding the shaking in his voice. “You made me fall in love with you, made me  _ fucking  _ believe that you felt the same way about me when the truth is— was that you didn’t gave a shit about me.”

Poe nodded silently, and it was all he needed to keep talking. Letting everything out felt right, more than he thought at least. 

“You are the worst person I’ve ever met.” He blushed a little but hold her gaze. “You made my life a living hell for more than a year and I just let you ruin me until there wasn’t anything left for you to ruin anymore—“ He let out a sharp breath. “And after everything I did for you, you broke up with me over a text?”

Bazine looked at him, a mix of anger and sadness in her eyes. Almost like he had hurt her feelings. 

“How dare you say this?” Her voice was getting louder by the seconds. “I’m the best thing that happened to you.”

Hux laughed, a genuine laugh that only increased the tension.

“You’re the best thing that happened to him?” He asked, looking at her like she was the dumbest person he had never encountered. “Care to elaborate on that?”

Bazine stoop up and Poe did the same right away, his chair squeaking. “Sit down. Or your out.”

Ben was watching the scene playing in front of him. Poe was the only one with the same temper, therefore the only one to always know what to do when she’s acting crazy.

Eventually Bazine sat down. “You were nothing before me Benjamin—“ Her voice calm, her words sharper than a knife. “All you cared about was your stupid little books and your stupid friends—“ She looked at him, a proudness in her eyes. “If it wasn’t for me, you would still be a virgin who couldn’t give a girl an orgasm even if he wanted to.”

Ben shook his head. That was her arguments? 

“You really are that stupid, aren’t you?” He was disgusted. How could he had ever loved this woman? “You think because you taught me how to fuck— You think I owe you something?”

And before Ben could even understand what was happening, Bazine was standing in front of him. The part when he also get up was blurry but they were now so close, yelling at each other’s face.

“You owe me everything you fucking asshole—“ She narrowed her eyes. “Before you met me the proudest moment of your life was the day you found a twentie on the street.” 

“You really lost all of your bitchiness, it’s painful to watch.” Poe commented.

Bazine turned around to give him the middle finger and Poe brought his hand to his heart, pretending to be hurt.

“Believe it or not, but life doesn’t revolve around sex—and it’s most certainly doesn’t revolve around you.” Ben said, putting his hand on his pocket. “And if you really think fucking you was the proudest moment of my life, you really should get your face out of your ass.”

He took a step back, getting sick of their proximity. It wasn’t going great. But also not as bad as he had expected. 

“You’re such a jerk.” She shouted. “I can’t believe I let you touched me.” 

Ben nodded, laughing lightly. “That’s funny considering the number of time you drove to my place at the middle of the night for sex.”

Bazine brought a hand to his face, caressing his cheek softly. “But baby, maybe if you knew how to use your dick I wouldn’t have needed to fuck other people.” She leaned in a little, murmuring to his ear. “Because you know Bennie boy, woman can have an orgasm.”

This felt like a slap in the face. But before he could answered, Poe and Hux were on their feet, gently pushing away Bazine.

“That’s enough.” Hux said, giving them a look that should have made Ben shut up. 

“You know what Bazine?” He started, mischief in his eyes. “I cannot thank you enough for breaking up with me—Because when you thought you were breaking my life you actually made me realized that what you and I had was nothing compared to what I have with Rey.”

Bazine was shocked, the words hardly sinking in her head. “What you have with Rey?” She repeated sceptical. “When will you finally understand that you don’t deserve love? No love whatsoever—“ She smirked at him. “We’re not in one of your little book, Benjamin. Grow up.”

What was he supposed to say to that? And above all, what did she meant by “you don’t deserve love”? Of course he did.

“You’re slightly switching the roles here.” Poe said, saving his friends who apparently had lost his ability to talk. “Benjamin and Rey will be just fine while you will end up all alone— As you deserve.” 

Hux took a step towards Bazine. “Now. Get. Out.” 

Bazine shook her head, trying to compose herself. She gave Benjamin a last look before whispering. “You’re so insecure about yourself that you’ll end up messing this up, as you always do—“ She paused, smiling at him. “I hate to spoil it to you, but if you think Rey will actually be dumb enough to fall in love with you then you’re such a fool.” She kissed his jaw, smiling against his skin. “Hopefully she won’t make the same mistake as I did and leave your selfish ass before you start going all romantic on her; buying flowers, writing poems? Seriously Ben who does that?” 

Ben was taking all of her little monologue with gritted teeth.  _ Do not answer, do not let her win _ .

“Get out!” Poe yelled, opening the front door.

Bazine smiled one last time at Ben, brushing his hair. “It a pleasure to see you again, my love.”

Ben couldn’t move, couldn’t speak nor think. His mind was playing on repeat everything she had just said. She wasn’t right, was she? He hadn’t realized he had been stoic for a long time until he felt two hands tapping on his shoulders.

“Are you alright?” Hux asked him while Poe was shouting at Bazine to  _ get lost _ through the half-opened door.

Ben nodded. He felt empty, tired and among everything confused. That was a shit show, a painful one. Even if he hated to admit it, everything she had said had hurt. But the good thing was that now, he could put this entire relationship behind him and focus at the future. And more importantly at Rey. Rey could be her future. 

“I’m fine.” He simply said, finally taking the breath he had been holding. “I guess all of this crap is finally over.”

Poe magically appeared with three opened beers, handing one to him. 

“She was full of bullshit, you know that right?” Poe asked, looking at his friend with concerns.

Ben nodded,  _ full of bullshit _ . That’s what she was.

“Yes. Yes I know.” He looked at his friends, a smile finally lightening his face. “Thank you, for having my back— and everything.” 

Hux raised his beer, copying Ben’s smile, and the three of them clicked their drinks.

“To closure and better life choices.” Poe said, smirking at Ben.

The three of them laughed, forgetting that 5 minutes ago they wished they were anywhere but here. They all took a sip of their beers, and Ben couldn’t thank destinity enough to have brought Poe and Hux into his life.

“I’ll surely drink to that.” Ben said. “I love you guys.”

Poe rolled his eyes. “Don’t get cheesy Solo, it’s disgusting.” 

Ben shook his head, amusement coloring his face. And with that, everything was back to normal. All that mattered from now on, was this; his friends laughing at him but still first in line to defend him, his new girlfriend who was everything he had dreamed off. Bazine wouldn’t take anymore from him.  _ Cheers _ , to a life without complication. He really could use easy for once. 


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 215 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Rey was lying on Ben’s chest, enjoying her post orgasm state. He had blew her mind, once again; his tongue had worked magic against her hot skin. 

But even when he rocked her world, her favorite part was still the after. The half naked hugs where nothing matters except the feeling of his fingers tracing patterns on her back, his lips murmuring tender words on her hair. 

“Are you okay?” She asked, lifting her head to meet his sleepy eyes.

“I’m fine, love—“ He smiled at her, catching her lips in a tender kiss. “I have everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Rey shook her head, rolling her eyes playfully. “How do you know that I’m not a crazy jealous girlfriend?”

He pinched her hips nicely. “Are you warning me Johnson?”

She laughed a little, pushing herself up on her elbows. 

“Maybe I should be worried, after all you already kind of proposed to me and chose our house.”

Ben smirked. “My smoothest moves by far.” He affirmed before kissing her lips once again.

Rey leaned in a little, one of her hand sliding behind Ben’s neck. His tongue teased her lower lip and she opened up almost immediately, eager to taste him even more. He moaned against her lips, his erection against her leg. She smiled, breaking their kiss to look at him.

“That’s unfortunate Benjamin.” 

  
  



	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 221, 222 and 223 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Rey was sitting in the middle of the library, books open and notes spread out in front of her. She always had been a good student and studying wasn’t an issue for her, not at all. But her mind was somewhere else; far away from the book she was supposed to analyze.

Her last conversation with Rose was playing on repeat in her mind.  _ You should have this talk with yourself _ . Rey knew she was right, her best friend was always full of wisdom. When she wasn’t being a complete dumbass at least. But still, she had a point.

Rey had always wanted to be loved. Of course she was loved by her friends, that she couldn’t denied, but she wanted someone to love her for— well, for her. And while the idea of falling in love had always seemed appealing, now that it was actually happening : it was freaking her out. She wasn’t even sure which parts was making her the most anxious, acknowledging her feelings to Ben or to herself. 

Rey bit her lips, her mind wandering to  _ him _ . The past weeks had been challenging, but at least it had brought them closer. They were in a good place now, the conversations were easy; he always made her laugh; and most importantly they spent most of their time together. Rey was either sleeping at his or having him over. She never would have pictured herself as the  _ I need to be with my boyfriend 24/7 _ but now? Now the very idea of sleeping alone, not snuggled against his chest was making her sick to her stomach. He was also an amazing lover and Rey knew that she would be ready for the next step soon. Loosing her virginity wasn’t a big deal for her, the act in itself didn’t scared her; it was the after. Deep down she knew that Ben wouldn’t leave her after finally taking her, but there was still this little voice in her head murmuring that he would eventually get tired of her. It was getting scarier and scarier as Rey realized day by day that she wouldn’t get tired of him. 

Is that was love was about? Losing yourself into another human’s soul until you felt like drowning? Because that surely was what Rey felt. She was losing herself in his surroundings, addicted to the way she felt around him.

When he was around, she felt— important. Like she mattered. He was always so considerate of her feelings, putting her first in everything. Well except for the Bazine thing but she was past this, and so was he. The thing was, with Bazine around she had every reasons to be on her guards but now? Now it was them. Only them and the way they felt. 

_ Alright, let’s do an old fashioned pros and cons here  _ she murmured to herself, taking a piece of paper to write down her list.

Is that was love was about? Losing yourself into another human’s soul until you felt like drowning? Because that surely was what Rey felt. She was losing herself in his surroundings, addicted to the way she felt around him.

Pros : nice; passionate; hopelessly romantic; ridiculously HOT; always put you first; never pushed you into doing anything; read Above You for you; keeps taking you on dates; never lied (ok once); proud of being your boyfriend; trusts you

Cons : you're being ridiculous grow a pai

Rey looked at her list, a smile growing on her smile. Writing down things had always helped her clear her mind and that time was no exception.

That’s when it hit her.

Ben was a good man. And above all, he was right for her. But she couldn’t believe it; falling in love in a few months? Wasn’t it a little early? Unexpected? 

But it was  _ Ben _ . The man who had joked about marrying her before their first date, the same man who had told her about finding their future house. She had grown to realize that his self confidence wasn’t as strong as he had pretended, but still, that was his words not hers. Looking back, those words had made her laughed; but now? Those same words were filling her with— hope? Not that she would marry him tomorrow obviously, there was no way that was happening. But the idea was quite pleasant, appealing even. Not the wedding, per se, but the very thought of waking up to him every mornings, kissing him every nights when they got home was enough to make her heart missed a beat. 

Rey never thought that she would be the kind of girl to fall in love at first sight, but hadn’t she? In hindsight, she really shouldn’t be surprised. Of course she loved him. 

She took a deep breath, letting the realization sinked in.  _ I love him _ she whispered to herself, tasting the way it felt on her lips.  _ I love Ben Solo _ .  _ I love Benjamin. _ Acknowledging it felt right, a weight leaving her body as she smiled a little wider; she was ready for this. For love. To love someone and be loved by someone else. 

She wasn’t ready to say it to Ben, but that was still a little victory. One little step at a time was still better than none at all.  _ I’m ready for this  _ she thought before closing her books, her mind far away from the study she was supposed to do.

She’d tell him eventually, they had time. 

  
  


  
  



	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 227 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Ben was smiling at the screen of his computer, pleased with the chapter he had just posted. Of course Rey had left a comment, the parallel between Toby and Darby’s date and the one they had had a few weeks ago still fresh in her memory. He knew it was childish but a part of him was pleased that she had immediately connected the dots and even mentioned him in her comment. Comment that he had almost answered with the wrong account, another close mistake. Lately he had made a tons of tiny little mistakes that he had always managed to save at the last seconds. Deep down he knew that he was letting his guard down, his heart wanting to let her know the truth. And it would be about time.They had been together for a little less than 5 months now and he was falling in love a little deeper day by day. As if he hadn’t been crazy about her for what felt like forever. He had tried so hard to tell her, the words always a breathe away to slip through his lips. But for some reasons the two words he’d been dying to shout until his lungs hurt never slipped. No matter how much he wanted to. This two little secrets were suffocating him, and he wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to share with her his excitement over the story he had hide from her, wakes her up every morning with his I love yous. He didn’t even cared if she wasn’t ready to say it back, or if she wasn’t at this stage of their relationship yet. He knew what he had to do, he was just scared that things would change between them. But what if it changes for the best? The voice in his head whispered. That was a risk he was willing to take. If things went poorly, they’d talked this through; as they always did. He loved her and that all that mattered. He really needed to her. And the moment couldn’t arrive soon enough.


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parts 232 and 233 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Ben was adjusting his buttons shirt, running a hand through his hair to arrange it. Tonight was the night he’d finally tell her how he felt. And even if he had convinced himself that it wasn’t such a big deal, that it wasn’t like he was proposing or anything; he was still stressed out. The fear of being rejected, probably. 

A knock on his door made his heart raced.  _ It’s Rey, everything’s fine, you got this  _ he whispered to himself before opening the door. 

Would she always take his breath away every time he saw her? God he hoped so. She was gorgeous with her hair half tied into a bun, her dark blue dress and her nude lips. A walking fantasy, and she was his. 

He kissed her lips, a little more forcefully than necessary and she laughed against him. 

“Happy anniversary.” She murmured with a little smile, eyes sparkling. 

“Happy anniversary.” He said back, kissing her lips one last time before letting her in. 

He had spent a huge amount of time arranging the living room to a more romantic ambiance. Candles, roses, wine. He had thought of everything, and by the look on her face it had been worth it. 

“Ben it’s beautiful. Thank you.” 

He pulled one of the chair for her, “Madame” he said with a cute french accent that made her laughed while she sat. 

He sat in front of her, serving them a glass of the wine they drank the first time he had came to her apartment.

“I cannot believe that you remembered this.” She said, taking her time to take a look at his outfit. He looked good, impossibly hot. His white shirt was a serve on him, she wouldn’t be able to say it enough. “Thank you for this.” She said, extending her drink from him to toast with him.

“To the 5 best months of my life—“ He said sincerely. 

“And to the many mores to come.” She finished, clinking their drinks together. She meant that with all of her heart, hoping that it would be true. 

The evening had passed quickly, too quickly. Rey was delighted by all of the thoughts Ben had putted into this entire dinner. He had made her favorite meal, her favorite dessert and even offered her a present. She had obviously complained about it, but he had pressed her to open it with a kiss on her forehead. Her favorite kind of kisses she had realized pretty early in their relationship. 

It was a bracelet. A silver bracelet with a little daisy on it; and it was lovely. She thanked him a billion times, kissing him until they were both gasping for air. 

She also had a present for him; one that she would give him later. One that after months she was finally ready to give. She was excited about this, of course, but she really wanted to enjoy the talking part of the night because once she would tell him that she was ready; she was pretty sure that he would be done talking. 

But something was wrong. Ben had been awfully quiet for the last 10 minutes and Rey knew him way too well to realize that something was on his mind. 

“Babe are you alright?” She asked him, reaching for his hand across the table.

“I— I’ve got another thing for you.” He said, swallowing hard. “Just give me a second.” And without further warning he was leaving the table, walking quietly to his bedroom. He came back a second later, holding a pile of paper.

He stood in front of her, his gaze alternating between her face and the pile of paper in his hands. He finally handed it to her, shakingly.

“I mean every words of it.” He whispered. 

  
  



	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 235, 236, 237, 238, 239 and 240 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

Rey was reading over and over again the pages in her hands, her mind having a hard time processing everything. What was that about? And how did he managed to find the next chapter? She looked up, confusion written all over her face.

“Say something.” Ben finally said, hardly managing to hide his emotions. “Please.”

“I— how did you found the next chapter?” She looked back at the pages, totally lost. “Do you know Kylo Ren?”

Ben shook his head, a smile growing on his face. Of course, he had told her he loved her and all she was thinking about was if he knew Kylo Ren? Typical.

“No Rey—love” He lifted up her chin to meet her eyes. “I wrote this, for you.” 

She was confused, so confused. Why on earth would he write the next chapter of Above You? She couldn’t say that she didn’t liked it, of course she did. It was everything she had wanted to read since she started it but why would he do that?  _ I mean every words of it _ her mind remembered, and that’s when it clicked. He loved her. Ben loved her. 

“You love me.” She said, her eyes tearing up. She couldn’t believe it.  _ He loved her _ , so much that he had took the time to write something for her. 

“More than anything.” He confessed before finally saying the three words he had been dying to say. “I love you.”

Rey almost jumped at his neck, closing her arms around his body and he caught her easily, holding her tightly against his body. “I love you, and I am sorry I lied to you but I swear— this was my last secret.” He murmured against her hair.

“That wasn’t a lie, you just weren’t ready to say that you loved me.” The words tasted good on her lips, and she definitely enjoyed the way it sounded to her ears. “Say it again.” She pressed him, helping him to put her back on the floor.

“I love you.” His cheeks were red but his eyes were sparkling with a mixture of relief and love. “And I’m glad you’re not mad at me for having kept such a huge thing from you— I swear love, from the moment you told me you were a fan I wanted to tell you everything but I was so scared—“

She interrupted him, brows furrowing. “What are you talking about?”

Ben looked at her, it was his time to be confused. Wasn’t giving her the entire next chapter of his novel a good hint enough? 

“Rey, you do realize that I am Kylo Ren. Right?” He asked, taking back the pages scattered on the table to shake them playfully in front of her face. “I really thought it was fairly obvious.”

“No you’re not….” She said with half a smile, testing his reaction. What were the odds? Impossible.  _ I love how this story is about you  _ played Rose’s voice on her mind and she took a step back, remembering the last chapters of the story. The lies, the mandala, the pride and prejudice reference? The fact that Darby became british when Rey would have swore she was american. Kylo Ren following her back. She hadn’t payed all of this any particular attention at the time, but now that she was really thinking about it? It made sense. “You bastard!” 

Ben couldn’t help but chucked a little, her reaction beyond what he had imagined. “Yep, something like that.” He teased, mentally preparing for the billions of questions he knew were coming.

“How did you not tell me!” She smacked his arm, not knowing if she should be mad or just incredibly proud. “I cannot believe that you’ve listened to me rambling about this and never managed to say ‘oh by the way this is my story you’re talking about’!” 

Ben rolled his eyes “And I cannot believe you never figured it out because I’ve made very, very dumb mistakes.” 

“I can’t believe this!” She was almost yelling, absolutely pleased by this. “My boyfriend is a fucking author.” 

He shook his head, laughing softly. If he thought she would be mad, he was pretty happy to realize that she was actually enchanted— proud even. She was the first person he had told this part of his life to, and if he had known that it would feel so good; he would have done it way sooner. 

“I want to know everything— and I really do mean everything.” She grabbed his hand and almost pushed him down to the couch. She sat and crossed her legs, waiting for him to speak. She was like a child on christmas morning and Ben really felt like the luckiest man in the world.

He told her everything, from the moment he had decided to sit down at his desk and write down the emotions he had never spoken to the moment he met her and changed his entire storyline. He explained how Toby was meant to break Darby’s heart to compensate the fact that he had his own heartbroken, even acknowledging that the characters were inspired by him and Bazine at first. She was drinking his words, amazed that after all this time he’d still managed to surprise her with an artistic sensibility that she never thought he had— not to this extent at least. When she asked if he had took inspiration of their lives for his characters development he didn’t try to deny. 

“I didn’t planned to— at first.” He confessed. “It’s just that from the moment you and I started talking and going out, the Darby I had pictured for months started to look a lot like you— and I tried to fight it, rewriting the parts that were too similar of you. But nothing seemed to work so I just kept writing, knowing too damn well that Above You was personal to another extent now.—“ He paused, a realization hitting him. “I think I’ve found something I never knew I was missing and— It was you Rey. You’re my muse.” 

A single tear escaped of Rey’s eyes and she quickly closed the distance between them, needing to kiss him. Nothing urgent, just a kiss to have the courage to say it back. A single kiss to make him understand that she’d always be his muse; as long as he would let her be. Their tongues danced together, a slow tango that Rey could feel echoing all over her body. She was the one to break their kiss, letting her forehead rest against his as she murmured. “I love you Ben.”

They stayed quiet for a long moment. The both of them letting the past hours playback in their heads, knowing that it had been a hell of a ride but they wouldn’t change a thing. 

Rey was the one who broke the comfortable silence they had been sitting in for the past 10 minutes. “Do that make me a fictional heroine?” 

Ben raised an eyebrow. “I guess?”

She laughed a little, leaning in to kiss his lips gently. “You were writing about me since the moment we met but it took you months to tell me you love me? For an author you sure are terrible with words.”

“I changed an entire story for you and tell you how I felt through a chapter.” He teased. “I’d say I’m pretty good with words and above all, romantic.” 

Rey nodded her head, that  _ dumbass _ . “Maybe you’re right.” 

She kissed him again, now was the time for her surprise. She had walked into his apartment knowing that she was ready for this, but now? Now she was craving it. She wanted him more than she ever thought she would. Nothing mattered but their bodies intertwined in the most personal way.

“I also have something for you—“ She whispered to his ear. “I’m ready.” 

He looked at her, wondering if she was indeed saying what he thought she meant. She blushed a little, her hands meeting his hair. “I want you.” 

Ben had took his time, playing her body with his fingers and tongue. Rey had melted under his touch while she felt her body shaken through her orgasm. Ben was above her, his lips kissing her forehead. He was stressed, she could tell it.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked, showing her the condom he had just grabbed from his night stand. 

“Yes, Ben. I am sure.” She offered with a smile, kissing his lips to erase all of his uncertainties. She had never been more sure of anything. She wanted this, with him. 

He broke their kiss and opened the condom that he putted on. “If you want to stop, you tell me immediately.” 

She shook her head, spreading her legs a little wider for him to be comfortable and she felt the head of his length brushing against her core. 

“Please be gentle.” She murmured, feeling a little burning pressure as he started to push lightly.

“Always.” He just said, working his way inside her with low and gentle strokes. Ben was studying her face, looking for any signs of pain. Her eyes were closed, her lips parted and she was taking deep breath. “I’ve got you love.” He murmured against her temple, slowly pushing further into her. 

Rey felt a radiating pain as he pushed passed the tiny resistance and she let out a plaintive cry that made Ben froze. He immediately reached down between their intertwined bodies and started rubbing her clit gently, whispering that he loved her. When she felt the pain vanishing, she nodded her head and Ben resumed working his way into her; until he was comfortably settled inside of her.

“Are you alright?” He asked, trying his best not to move. His hand was still working on her clit gently, a nice distraction from the weird fullness that Rey was not used to. 

She didn’t answered right away, moving her hips a little to get a little closer, just a little bit. As if they weren’t already skin to skin, invading their personal space to another level. When she finally told him that he could move, time stopped. The universe froze and it was only them.

Nothing mattered but the way he moved inside of her, creating an addictive friction that made her eyes rolled of pleasure as his lips whispered worship. It was love at last. And she was ready for it.

  
  



	18. 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 242 of my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/qdamdriver/status/1224426095044370434) thread

“Ben we really need to get going.” He heard Rey called from their living room and he adjusted his tie. Not that he wanted to wear one but his editor had made a big deal about his public image. 

It still felt that it was all a dream. His girlfriend moving in with him in an apartment they had found close to the campus, his book getting published. A dream that he hoped deep down he wouldn’t wake up from. 

Everything had changed and yet they were still the same. A little more adult, a little more in love everyday. 

“You do realize that you actually have to be there to sign books?” Rey appeared behind him, her heels resonating against the floor. 

“I know.” He said before stealing a kiss. “But I’m still not sure that using my real name was a good idea.” 

“Gwen knows what she’s doing babe, and no one read Above You because they thought Kylo Ren was a cool fake name.” She took his hand, hurrying him out of their room. “It’s your day, just enjoy it.” 

He mumbled something that Rey couldn’t quite understand and they finally made their way out of the apartment. She was right, he really shouldn’t worry about his name being on the front cover. He should worry about people not showing up. 

And he felt silly for underestimating his fans. Even if he still felt weird to call them fans.” The library was crowded, people standing in line to meet him. Would he ever get used to this? He hardly doubted so. Nothing could ever compare to this feeling, the recognition of people who had follow this journey from the beginning for the biggest part. 

He looked down at Rey, squeezing her hand gently. He had everything he ever wanted, and more he realized when the first person arrived in front of him, his book in her hands for him to sign.

If someone would have told him that at almost 25 he would have had a bestseller and a fiancé, he would have laughed and told this person to shut up. And honestly, after all he had been through, he didn’t minded taking his revenge over life. Not even a little.

He looked up from the book that he finished signing and handed it back to the girl in front of him with a smile and a  _ thank you. _ He could feel Rey staring at him, the proudest smile on her face. 

It was all for her, always.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was the last written part of Above You.  
> As I've already said at the beginning of the story, there's a lot more story on the thread I've linked. Sms; tweets; insta post and obviously the most important : extract of the book Ben/Kylo was posting online so if you want to read about the entire story you know where to find it :)


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